Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Run For Your Life

Today, I figured out where I would hole up should the zombie invasion ever make it's way to Louisville.

Pepboys! Now hear me out...

I took my Taurus there this morning for new brake pads, a couple of new tires and alignment, and various adjustments. Dropped a load of cash, and managed to do some of my work on reports from there as well. I had a lot of time to just wander around to place, and did some thinking.

First of all, the only end that had access was the front - the rest was a thick wall of concrete. Try to get thru that, you undead fucks! And the front could easily be lined with a huge wall of tires - three deep should be enough.

Next of great importance - the place is full of all kind of liquids that are either flammable or corrosive to human flesh. And when you're a zombie, you don't think about OSHA-recommended protective gloves or clothing. Fish in a barrel, baby!

Finally, there are a lot of dangerous-looking things there that people attach to their cars and trucks that would make excellent melee weapons. You may not be able to tell at a glance, but you can cleave a skull with a well-aimed #24 Rainex windshield wiper blade!

And as an added bonus, they keep beef jerky, Pringles and hard candy up by the front counter. Those shambling corpses won't be able to wait me out - no sir!

The place is big enough for a few of you to come along; so if you're reading this, you'll know where to find me now in case this apocalyptic event should occur. Make sure to say something like "Hey Ray, let me in!" instead of "BRAINS!!!" so I'll know you're still among the living.

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