Hello, my name is Ray, and I'm a food addict.
I had a moment of realization this weekend that drove it home very harshly. RedFaery and I ate at Applebee's on the drive to her mother's home in Michigan on Saturday. I ordered the Trio meal they've got now, and got boneless buffalo wings, mini cheeseburgers and mini chicken sandwiches. I even loaded the sandwiches with lettuce and tomato for more healthy crap.
I ate both the little burgers, one of the little chicken sandwiches, and 2/3 of the wings, and I was full. In fact, I'd probably eaten slightly more than I needed. My stomach was saying "No mas!" (I don't know why it was speaking Spanish - I didn't ask).
But I wanted to keep eating. I stared at the leftover food. I pushed it away and covered it with a napkin, and my hand trembled. When the waiter came by and asked if we wanted a box, RedFaery answered "No" for me. He took the plate and I broke out into a sweat. I lost the opportunity to continue cramming the lovely taste of vinegar and ranch dressing into my mouth, and I dwelled on that for an hour afterward. As I type this, I'm salavating.
I've had my ups and downs with my weight since starting this in January, and it's never remotely bothered me. I've always realized that it was going to come in it's own time, so long as more times than not I took the intelligent route when it came to eating choices. However, this was the first time I'd gotten truely MAD and EMBARASSED at myself. I don't like it, not one bit.
I've had a couple of days to think about it, and I've gotten over it for the most part. I did the right thing and I'm proud of that. I was caught unaware, and shouldn't be again. Next time, when that addiction rears it's ugly head, I now have a reference point to be prepared for how I'm going to feel about it, and I'll take it more in stride. If there's one thing I value more than tasty food, it's my composure and dignity.
With all that said, I happily hit a new low this Friday with 212 lbs! And despite the lavish meals RedFaery's family made over the weekend (fresh fried bass Saturday night, and jerk chicken Sunday - all very good!), I only gained 2 of those pounds back as of this morning. I think that's a fair trade.
Starting Weight: 237 lbs.
Weeks 1-17 Loss: 21 lbs.
Week 18 Loss: 2 lbs.
Current Weight: 214 lbs.