Words of Love

A long while back, I wrote a ton of Star Wars haikus. Just stumbled across them again, and thought I'd share:

Darth Vader's evil!
He has a big lightsaber.
Luke, who's your daddy?

Droid names are strange
C-3PO and R2
Robby the Robot???

Lando's in the clouds
Floating high above Bespin
It's a long way down!

Unlearn what you've learned.
Do or do not - there's no try.
Be one with the Force!

Did you know Chewy,
Han Solo's pal is married?
Love "Wookie Nookie"!

Millienium Falcon
It's the fastest hunk of junk
What's "the Kessel run"?

IG-88 died
Trying to steal Han Solo
Pissed Boba Fett off!

Boba Fett's a clone,
But in the books, he's Jaster!
Continuity?

The names of planets
Sound like a pharmacist's dream!
Bespin overdose!

Yalisimari
Is how many syllibles?
I sure hope it's five!

Dagobah system...
You must go to Dagobah...
Who needs some bacta?

Who wants a taun-taun?
They smell bad on the outside.
And the inside too!

Noisy TIE fighters!
But sound can't travel in space!
Ion engines suck!

Darth Vader says to Boba:
"No disintegrations, Fett"
"As you wish" he says.

"We don't serve their kind!"
"Droids will have to wait outside!"
Why, no oil on tap?

Luke falls in the pit.
Kills the rancor with the door.
Made Jabba's guard cry.

Dagobah is swamp
Tattooine is a desert
Luke get culture shock!

Owen moisture-farms
Necessary in deserts
Watch out for Tuskens!

Jawas are crafty;
Steal, rebuild and resell droids.
Don't take the red one!

Jabba is slimy.
Salacius Crumb cleans it up.
A booger buffet!

Bossk is a lizard.
Trandoshens hate the Wookiees.
They collect their pelts.

Corellian sector
Home of Han Solo and Wedge
And Smuggler's Alley

The Wampa attacks!
Created to explain the
Scar on Hamil's face.

Who is the true star
Of the brand-new trilogy?
I say "CGI"!

Yoda dirty-talk!
Who's your Jedi Master, bitch?
Fallen in, I have!

Death Star approaching...
"Look at the size of that thing!"
Cut the chatter, Wedge!

In the trench with Darth:
"The Force is strong with this one!"
"I have you now...what???"

Chewbacca is dead!
They killed him in the novels.
He died a hero...

"Oh, thank the Maker!"
And little did we know that
It was Anakin!

"Remember, the Force
Will be with you always, Luke!"
Alec Guiness rules!

Into the trash bin
"What an interesting smell!
Great idea, Princess!!"

Luke flies to Bespin
Ben says "That boy's our last hope!"
"There is another..."

"When a thousand years
You have lived, look good you won't!"
Use moisturizer!

Which toy was cooler?
The Millenium Falcon,
or AT-AT Walker?

"There are too many!"
Y-Wing Fighters are boring!
But the blow up nice!

Why does the Death Star
Have to go around the moon?
Why not blow it up?

Quarterstaff saber,
Too much for old Qui-Gon Jin!
Darth Maul kills Jedi.

Jengo Fett is dead!
Can't stop saber blade with neck.
Boba gets "ahead"...

Yoda finally fights!
Count Doku throws down with him.
"Hold still, you Muppet!"

Box DVD set,
The classics have been "remade"!
"THAT is why you fail!"

Han's a little mad.
"Shut him up or shut him down!"
Threepio falls silent...

Chewbacca is pissed!
Though he's choking, Lando says,
"It wasn't my fault!"

Creature Cantina,
Popular Mos Eisley bar.
Watch out for Greedo!