The Ballad of ActingUpAgain

Hello Goodbye

2009-02-18T08:49:00.006-05:00

This is probably the last blog I'll be posting. It's been over a month since the last one, so I think it's obvious I'm not that much into it anymore.

However, I'm still writing - more often now in fact. I've become the local Examiner for the Louisville theater scene, promoting performances, auditions and the like. Bookmark this link and read it daily - http://www.examiner.com/x-3947-Louisville-Theater-Examiner
(You'll have to copy and paste it, since the linking tool's not cooperating - or see the link in the Blogs Worth Reading column on the bottom right)

Anyone that's linked their blogs to mine, feel free to change it to this link instead. It's not a personal blog - I can always come back here for that!

Thanks to all that came along for the ride!

Ray

The Incredible Shrinking Ray - Final Entry

2008-12-31T10:13:00.002-05:00

As you can see, blogging about my weight loss has quickly become a rarity anymore. Not due to lack of trying – more like lack of anything interesting to talk about. For that reason, coupled with the fact that it’s now the end of the year, this will be the last official entry for “The Incredible Shrinking Ray”. Maybe an occaisional update when something noteworthy happens.

Two major things have impacted my efforts these last couple of weeks. If you read my previous long blog, you already know about the intestinal blockage that caused me to balloon up. My digestive tract still isn’t quite back to normal – any kind of bowel movement is a challenge. But at least it IS moving! I’ve started to add a few more fiber-related items to my diet to see if I can speed up the process more.

The other thing is just plain laziness, and my continued battle to care about losing more. A huge part of me is thrilled with all the weight lost this year, and I get into a mindset of “you’ve done enough, give yourself a break and have that Coke”. Once in a great while this is fine. But lately it’s been far more often than it should be. I’m looking forward to renewing that focus beginning January 5th – just like last year.

Why January 5th? It’s the day after my birthday, and the days before have become my own personal “Mardi Gras”. On Saturday the 3rd I plan of downing tequila and singing karaoke all night (empty calories), then on the 4th is my annual trip to the sushi bar for the all-you-can-eat special (good calories, but too many of them). The bad news is that when I weigh myself on the 5th I’m certain I’ll be way up over my current 215 lbs, but the good news is that it will drop off quickly by the time I weigh myself a week later – instant gratification!

I plan on making 2009 another weight loss year, along with renewed focus on paying off medical bills that have accumulated over the years. Frankly, I think losing weight will be the easier goal…

Quick overall review: I did not achieve my final goal – missed it by 15 lbs. However, I did come down to a weight I haven’t seen since I was 20 years old. I totally stunned my doctor at a checkup when he saw I’d lost 20 lbs since the prior visit, prompting him to say “I tell a lot of people to lose weight, but no one actually ever DOES it!” I added a few years onto my life, and I’m no longer a borderline diabetic. Finally, I just “feel” better, and look better. I still consider my efforts this year a success, and a good foundation from which to start anew.

Summary:
Starting Weight: 237 lbs.
Current Weight: 215 lbs.
Total Weight Lost: 22 lbs.

I'm Down

2008-12-29T19:53:00.002-05:00

(The following incredibly long blog entry is not to be read by those with weak constitutions, a general distaste of medical issues or bowel movements, or my mother due to all the dirty words. If you fall into any of those categories, I strongly suggest you stop reading now.)

I spent the days before Christmas in the hospital for an intestinal obstruction. Here is a day-by-day breakdown of the events leading up to and during the course of that stay.

Wednesday, December 17th – After work I headed to the mall to pick up a gift we’d been meaning to get, but never got around to getting. It was about as busy as I expected it to be, so I dodged between people with the nimbleness of a man half my age. Afterward, as I’m heading toward my car (intentionally setting off the alarm so I can find my grey Ford Taurus among the throng of vehicles after dark), I noticed that my stomach wasn’t too happy with me about something. I write it off to the nausea of rampant consumerism involving holidays that are supposed to be about family and not the latest Cabbage Patch kid.

I had a pretty big lunch, having filled my Fazoli’s card and getting my meal for free (a sampling of spaghetti, alfredo noodles and lasagna), so I opted for just a baked potato from Wendy’s while also getting a spicy chicken sandwich for RedFaery. Still, it didn’t sit too well on my tummy, and I turned in early hoping to sleep thru the worst of the growing discomfort.

Thursday, December 18th – I didn’t sleep very well, and I finally came to the realization at 3am that I needed to empty my stomach if I was going to even try to get some shuteye. So I wondered into the bathroom, prayed to the porcelain god, and shortly thereafter was rewarded for my efforts. For the record, when you have a tomato-based lunch, your vomit comes out a horrible shade of pink.

I moved out to the couch to not further disturb RedFaery and in hopes that the pain would ebb eventually. About 45 minutes later, I returned to the bathroom to involuntarily continue the barfing process. I honestly didn’t think there was anything left in me, and I was mostly right – nothing but clear liquids this time.

When morning comes, I let RedFaery and work know that I’m too feverish and weak to do anything but lay still and moan for the day. Meals consisted of chicken soup and Sierra Mist. I even slept a little, but not much, which was surprising since I didn’t get much the night before.

One major disappointment – despite all the barfing, my weight was up! Should have been a major clue…

Friday and Saturday – Things went back to normal for the most part. In retrospect, there were a few anomalies that I should have noticed, but didn’t.
1. I had a hell of a time sleeping. Spent both nights getting out of bed and watching TV or playing on the computer until the wee hours of the morning, and didn’t sleep extra to make up for it.
2. Didn’t eat much. I was thrilled that I was less hungry, hoping that I could shed a few more pounds.
3. I didn’t have a substantial bowel movement. I didn’t think much about it, as I often try and fail, but I’d lost track of my successes and realize (in retrospect again) that I had none.
4. Despite brushing my teeth and mouth (I brush everything), RedFaery complained about my horrible breath.

That Saturday night, my stomach started feeling “odd” – similar to Wednesday, but not similar enough for me to worry about it. We went out with friends to an Ethiopian restaurant that evening, and I happily put away a lot of tasty beef, lamb and chicken bites. The odd feeling never went away, but it didn’t hurt, so I was happy.

Sunday, December 21st – I awoke from deep slumber at 3am again, this time feeling bloated and with a sharp stomach pain. I stood up to go to the bathroom, and the sudden rush of air leaving my mouth was amazing! Think of the belching contest from “Revenge of the Nerds”, only quieter – it was as if I’d swallowed a tornado and it broke free.

And the stench was vile. I couldn’t place it at the time, but I eventually could – it was much like raw sewage.

On the crapper, nothing came out but liquid. Very acidic, and it burned.
And so I repeated the cycle every thirty minutes – stand up, belch, crap fluid, lay down. I again moved to the living room to not disturb RedFaery’s slumber more often than I had to.

By noon, the cycle was still going strong, and Red was hinting heavily that we should head to the emergency room. Being the tough guy that I am, I said something along the lines of “I’m going to gut it out”. It only took two more hours for my tough guy persona to wave the white flag and admit defeat.

Sunday, December 21st continued (Emergency Room) – RedFaery drove me to our favorite emergency room, Jewish Southside. We like it because it’s a brand-new facility and many folks don’t even know about it yet. We’ve rarely had to wait, the staff is friendly and attentive, and we get solutions instead of the runaround. This time was no different – I was taken back to triage within 15 minutes, all questions answered, and put in a bed. About 20 minutes later the doctor comes by and gives me a through exam (including the kind that involves gloves and lube, kids). Everything was so tender that I went through a wide variety of grimaces and yelps. The doctor ordered X-rays, as well as my new best friends, Phenagren for nausea and Morphine for the pain.

Apparently the Morphine dulled the pain enough so I could sleep, so this paragraph is taken from RedFaery’s observations. My snoring was so loud that it worried the nurses, and Red reminded them of my sleep apnea. To insure I didn’t stop breathing, they hooked me up to an oxygen tube. For the record, I LOVE pure oxygen! I want a canister for my birthday!

The doctor came back and broke the news – the X-ray showed a blockage in my small intestine. He wanted to admit me to the hospital for more tests to find out how serious it was. When he asked about St. Mary and Elizabeth, where RedFaery had horrible experiences, even I shook off the effects of Morphine enough to say “anywhere but there, please!” We agreed on the main Jewish branch in downtown – my mom had good treatment there herself once.

I sent Red home to wait for me to get settled into my overnight room, and gather a few things I’d need – such as my contact lens case and glasses. A short nap later, I was loaded into the ambulance and taken in. FYI – both Jewish branches have very clean ceilings!

Sunday, December 21st continued (Hospital)- Sometime after being sent up in my new home-away-from-home, my I-V was hooked up to a potassium-saline drop. This is the organic equivalent of Drano. I now had to pee in a container so they could measure everything going out as well as coming in. A little tip from your old pal Ray – never drink what appears to be lemonade while in the hospital.

After Red had dropped off all my stuff, kissed me goodnight and left (I didn’t want her to sit around and watch me do nothing – someone had to get real rest and go make money to pay for all this!), I was informed that they wanted to put a tube up my nose and into my stomach to pump out the vile bile. I halfway expected that as some point.

The doctor tried first to get it up my right nostril, and Oh My God the Pain! I kept thinking “this was the first step to mummification!” I finally had to stop her from trying because I was in tears. We agreed to give the left nostril a shot (once my breath returned), and it wasn’t much better. But after a short struggle, I felt a pop of some kind, and the tube was finally making its way down my throat. I’m still wondering about that pop, and have since determined that my nose has lost its innocence. Light a candle.

Sleep came in small bursts throughout the night, but never for long since anytime I moved, the hose up my nose would shift and cause me pain. Plus I was constantly swallowing involuntarily due to the tube. Plus a nurse would come in every three hours to check my blood pressure and temperature, so I gave up.

Monday, December 22nd – More tests today. Blood was taken, CAT scan as well. And all I can think is “My nose hurts.”

My parents came to spend the afternoon with me, which was nice. Although I don’t feel like I was that great of company for anyone really. I knew Dad had gone thru a similar experience nearly two years ago, except what came out of his stomach was green instead of brown – so at least I was sure I didn’t have pancreatitis!

They were present for the joyous moment when the doctor decided I didn’t need the nose hose anymore. She promised to pull it on a three count, but yanked on two, the BITCH! It felt like my face exploded. Mom kept a cold paper towel on my eye socket which burned with the heat of a thousand suns. But nonetheless I was happy that I could finally move my head without pain. I celebrated by popping my neck loudly.

I had many visitors over the course of the day, since RedFaery posted on the various online forums about my condition. Yevla, Elgin Marbles and Ignite the Night (who works there) all stopped in at different times of the day to make sure I wasn’t going to shuffle off this mortal coil, and for that I was extremely grateful. When Red by later, she let me know about the various well-wishings we’d both gotten throughout the day online. Always nice to know friends are thinking of you.

The doctor did come by to tell me that further tests showed that the blockage wasn’t really there anymore. So the plan was to start feeding me again to see if I blew up again. Lovely. I was told that I’d be started on a liquid diet the next day, and my stomach celebrated. Although I was getting all the nutrition I needed thru the I-V, “Warrior needs food badly!”

I’ll take a moment to talk about my two roommates, as this was the only day I’d dealt with both of them.

When I was first wheeled into my room, it was empty. I thought I was going to be the sole resident of my room, but only ten minutes later another man was brought in. Jerry Ford (not the former president – at least I don’t think so) apparently had a small stroke, and had no feeling in his left arm and weakness throughout his legs. Despite all this, he was a pleasant gentleman, and though we couldn’t see each other thru the curtain, he’d occasionally ask about my comfort (such as “My television isn’t bothering you, is it?”).

In fact, the only complaining I can remember from Jerry was a procedure they did on his hand. He must have been very Christian, because at the worst pain he felt, the harshest curse words he could muster were “Cheese and crackers!” I felt bad for his agony, but I also had to suppress laughter at the ridiculousness of those words.

By Monday the feeling had returned to his arm and he was much stronger, so he was discharged. He wished me well and left with his son, and I was glad that at least he got to get out quickly. It also made me wonder if my condition was worse than a stroke victim’s, and it made me uneasy.

Later Monday night (around 10pm), a new patient was wheeled in. His name was Mr. Hamir, pronounced ha-MIR, not “hammer” (he had to correct everyone), a Muslim originally from Pakistan. He was a diabetic that had passed out and was brought in for observation and evaluation. Eventually the decision was made to move him up from pills to insulin, and I felt bad for him.

English was his second language, so he had a difficult time letting people know his concerns, especially when it came to his dietary restrictions. But he was patient and got thru, as evidenced by a lack of complaints when meals came around.

He was discharged on Tuesday afternoon. He’d had some family visiting, and he was moving a chair back over to my side, and took a moment to wish me well and bless me with his broken English. I was genuinely touched, and returned the favor.

Tuesday, December 23rd – I woke up to find that the breakfast fairy had come and gone without leaving me anything. When the nurse came by, I asked her about the clear liquids I was supposed to be started on, and it looks like word was never communicated to the Dietary department. So she found some apple juice.

I suppose this is better put in prospective when I tell you that I dreamt of being served hamburgers, rack of lamb and pork chops. Yeah, I was bummed.

This was a long, boring day. I was feeling tons better, but had absolutely nothing to do. I took myself for a walk around the floor a couple of times, towing my I-V stand with me. Another friend, Starwolfe, stopped by for a nice long visit, but I really didn’t have a whole lot to talk about. I tried reading, but got bored, and daytime TV really blows. I wish I had a laptop.

Lunch almost came and went, but I managed to talk to the right person to make sure the doctor’s orders were followed. When my chicken broth, jello and juice arrived, I was nearly in tears with joy. I’m reminded of the Eddie Murphy comedy routine where he talks about a starving man given a saltine and it’s SO GOOD that the cracker “is a Ritz cracker, right?” That was me.

That evening was another round of liquid diet, and though I wanted something more, I was grateful for it. Then, miracle of miracles, another tray of food was brought to me, this time solid foods! I double-checked with the nutritionist, and she insisted it was for me. RedFaery smiled on from the corner when I poured ranch dressing on my little salad and started munching away.

The nurse came in, and I explained what had happened. She too was skeptical that it was mine, so I asked her to take it away from me while she went to check – I had zero willpower, and would have probably shoved it all down my throat when she left the room. Fortunately, she was back quickly and confirmed that I was supposed to have it. I savored every bite of turkey and gravy, no matter how bland.

After RedFaery was off to home and bed, I felt an old familiar pressure and wheeled my I-V into the bathroom. Sure enough, I had a solid bowel movement. I’ve since reasoned that this particular piece of shit was the original blockage, but didn’t really know it at that moment. In retrospect, I felt like a 3 year old proudly explaining to my nurse that I’d “made a doody” and describing it’s texture and color, etc., but I just wanted to make sure that they knew to keep sending food!

Later that evening, the overnight nurse asked if I wanted anything and mentioned food. Despite having essentially two dinners, I asked what she had available. When she mentioned turkey sandwiches, I said, “Ooooooo, that sounds good!” So she snagged one for me, as well as a cup of raspberry jello. I enjoyed every bite while watching “Grindhouse: Planet Terror” on the Starz network. A little later, she came by to see how I was doing. I tried subtly sneaking into the conversation that I really liked that turkey sandwich and hinted at another one, and she came right out and asked me if I did want another one, and five minutes later she handed it to me!

Nurse Whitney is an angel.

Wednesday, December 24th – I wake up to sausage, eggs and biscuits – eating is still a blessed moment in time for me.

RedFaery shows up, since work’s closed for Christmas Eve, and she gets to sit around bored with me. Our favorite activity becomes “Watch the Door to See if the Doctor is Coming”. Eventually she does come by, exclaims that the blockage must have been due to something viral or bacterial in nature, and that the antibiotics in my I-V seem to have fixed me up, and that she’s authorized my discharge.

We’re both excited, but I caution Red that it typically takes them three hours for everything to be done, so be patient. I wish I could have taken my own advice, because after an hour I was back to playing “Watch the Door” again.

Eventually they unhook me from the I-V and have me sign papers that will probably cost me $4,000 or so throughout 2009, and I get my clothes on quickly and am ready to go. Red seems to think they’ll want to wheel me out in a wheelchair, but I wasn’t waiting around to see. And just like George Throughgood, “out the door I went!”

I wanted lunch at someplace where they’d serve me food that I wouldn’t get in the hospital, and settled on mini cheeseburgers at O’Charleys. Then I went home, shaved my beard-like facial growth into my normal goatee-moustache combo, showered to get rid of that “starch and plastic smell” all over my body, and caught up my e-mails.

Despite all the travelling we’ve done the rest of the week, I’ve not felt bad once. The worst thing I’ve still dealing with is bouts of fatigue, most likely due to getting used to morning, afternoon and evening naps. No problem for me – much easier to deal with than feeling like a float at the Macy’s parade!

My nose still hurts a little…

The Incredible Shrinking Ray - Weeks 46 & 47

2008-12-06T20:46:00.002-05:00

The holidays are here! And for a while, so was extra poundage. Two big Thanksgiving meals (which I refuse to eat less of - it's just not RIGHT!), and for a while I'd jumped to 221 lbs, and averaged about 216 lbs. However, going back to my old proven methods, this morning I was miraculously back to 211 lbs!

Summary:
Starting Weight: 237 lbs.
Weeks 1-46 Loss: 26 lbs.
Week 47 Loss: 0 lbs.
Current Weight: 211 lbs.

Thank You Girl

2008-11-24T23:57:00.000-05:00

With Thanksgiving coming up, I thought I’d list a few things I’ve been thankful for this year. In some cases, any year!

· I’m thankful that, after all the cuts at work, I still have a job. I’m not especially pleased with many different aspects about it this year, but like George once said, “All things must pass.”
· I’m thankful that RedFaery now has a job that she enjoys, feels useful at, and has been helpful in bringing back some of her energy. Now she has plenty to talk about when we both get home, and virtually none of it has anything to do with the cats and whatever cute/annoying thing they did today.
· I’m grateful that no one close to me has died this year. No comedy spin needed here.
· I’m thankful to be in the right place at the right time to shift my creative focus from community theatre acting to producing/writing for something that may actually help pay some bills next year. Or at the least buy dinner out once in a while.
· I’m grateful for Cajun food. That will likely never, ever change.
· I’m thankful that bottled water is so cheap, considering I’m too lazy to get it out of the tap, or even a Britta water pitcher.
· I’m thankful that gas prices have gone from “unbelievably ridiculous” down to “reasonable”, and for the time being are residing at “I can’t believe I filled my tank for less than $20!” Even if it’s just for a few weeks.
· I’m thankful for Facebook, which has allowed me to get what I used to get out of LouisvilleMojo – communication with friends (some for the first time in 20 years) and a welcome diversion from bills. MySpace, however, can suck it.
· I’m thankful for online banking for saving me a few stamps and the cost of new checks. Without it, my creditors would still be wondering when they’d get paid.
· I’m thankful for hardwood floors and cats that forget about it when they get an urge to run.
· I’m thankful that after four long years, Princess has finally warmed up to me to voluntarily sit on my lap. I hope she remembers I said that when we try to trim her toenails again.
· I’m thankful that we got our new home in 2007, considering the financial crapfest that 2008 turned out to be.
· Finally, I’m thankful that I’m still alive. Whodathunkit?

The Incredible Shrinking Ray - Weeks 44 & 45

2008-11-23T17:30:00.003-05:00

I have limited access to writing blogs now (smart folks can figure that one out), so I'm both about 5 days overdue AND a couple days early on recording my weight.

Went to the gym today for the first time in forever. Usually I do 30 minutes of the "fat burning" setting on the elliptical, but this time I decided to try the "cardio" setting instead. NEVER AGAIN! The first ten minutes made me regret ever having tried to exercise in my entire life! Besides, I still have fat to burn, so I'll go back to my old ways next time.

Not much loss for two weeks. Bummer.

Summary:
Starting Weight: 237 lbs.
Weeks 1-44 Loss: 25 lbs.
Week 45 Loss: 1 lb.
Current Weight: 211 lbs.

Mother Nature's Son

2008-11-14T00:44:00.003-05:00

Went to rehearsal for the improv TV show - my first as writer and co-producer. Slowly the members of the various teams filtered in, including some I hadn't met as of yet. One made it a point to introduce himself to me (we'll call him "Billy" - mostly cause I can't remember his name and he looked like a young Bill Murray). Before we could launch into conversation, one of the other producers started the festivities of the evening.

Whole teams weren't there, so we had to combine people into teams of four to rehearse. Billy was assimilated into one of those teams. Over the next 2.5 hours, we ran the teams thru the new games and show format, giving our new host a real baptism of what to expect as well.

When we were done and people were clapping each other on the back and talking about their favorite moments, Billy wound up near me again. Making small talk, I ask him if he had fun, which he did. We eventually get to talking about him, and I get a little surprise.

It turns out he just kinda wandered in off the street, after blowing into town via Greyhound bus. Originally from Chicago, he decided to just start traveling around Jack Kerouac-style, peddling his tye-dye art and bedding down wherever he managed to find a couch. Immediately my alarm bells went off because I realized we was heavily hinting that he'd like me to offer my couch (something I wasn't comfortable with, and lord knows RedFaery wouldn't have been either!).

Fortunately, I was prepared to help anyway. Wayside Christian Mission was only a mere two blocks away, and they were perfect for his needs. Billy balked at the idea initially, but after the insistence of a few of us that it wasn't "too preachy", I think he realized he wasn't going to be camping at anyone's home tonight. He double-checked our directions, thanked us for the hospitality and the great time, and wandered off.

Carol was floored at the whole situation, but Scott and I took it in stride. She was saying that you can't really trust anyone to bring them off the streets into your home these days. While she's got a good point, I felt this guy was mostly harmless - other than being a tad bit of a mooch. If I were his age (I'm guessing 19), single and debt-free, I'd consider fulfilling that wanderlust too.

In other news about the show - three of the skits I planned worked well on stage, and we'll be including them. One I created - a combination of a couple of improv skits involving creating movie scenes - went over very well, and is becoming one of the "face-off" games. Really proud of that one!

The Incredible Shrinking Ray - Week 43

2008-11-13T17:31:00.002-05:00

Absolutely no change - other than the fact that I managed to get to the gym once! Now go back and read the previous entry again - it's worth your time!

Summary:
Starting Weight: 237 lbs.
Weeks 1-42 Loss: 25 lbs.
Week 43 Loss: 0 lbs.
Current Weight: 212 lbs.

No Reply

2008-11-13T17:29:00.002-05:00

A true tale from work that's too good not to share!

An ad that runs in several of our publications had a typo, and the client was PISSED! One of my graphic designers created the ad, checked it themselves, was double-checked by an asst. manager, the sales rep, and the client as well, yet it still made it to publication.

The typo - the toll-free phone number was supposed to be "888", but ran as "800".

And the kicker (and I know you all know what I'm going to say already)...

the phone number that ran? Yep - phone sex line.

Even though the client proofed it too, I'm pretty sure he's getting a free run at no charge as an apology...

The Incredible Shrinking Ray - Week 42

2008-11-05T11:08:00.003-05:00

42, the answer to life, the universe and everything. But what's the question? Why the hell can't I get up off my ass and get to the gym?

10 weeks to lose 12 pounds.

Summary:
Starting Weight: 237 lbs.
Weeks 1-41 Loss: 25 lbs.
Week 42 Loss: 0 lbs.
Current Weight: 212 lbs.

Things We Said Today

2008-10-31T11:18:00.003-04:00

Just general stuff of my life at the moment:

* After nearly eight months of searching, fretting and tears, RedFaery is finally employed once more! Kentucky only has six months of unployment, and since the economy is so bad they also have a 3 month extension - she would have come to the end of that around Christmas. So the timing couldn't be better!

Red took this time off to not only search for the right job, but to get many of her healthcare concerns straightened out. She has Grave's Disease, which is an auto-immune disorder, so she has to be very aware of any and all problems that crop up with her body. She went to a very knowledgable endocrinologist who not only chased down and negative changes to her thyroid levels, but also discovered a severe Vitamin D deficiency, and got both back on track. To complete the unholy trinity of ailments, Red also had sinus surgery to remove polyps in her nasal cavity, which was causing the headache from hell. Now she's less likely to take sick days from her new job!

Speaking of the job, she may be the only person in the world with both a Financial Planning degree and and IT degree, and she may have found the only job in the world looking for that combo! On top of that, it's the largest payrate she's ever gotten, and the company is only 10 miles from home - so the saved gas money is a payraise too! She'll be building and maintaining the operating systems for a high-end designer door company, and helping their HR/Payroll person out with financial tasks as well.

I'm proud that she patiently held out for a position where she would NOT just be a number/warm body, and that she could do work that showcases her talent.

* Tonight beings another year of the National Novel Writing Month contest (NaNoWriMo). I entered it last year, finished my novel, but fell about 13,000 words short of the 50K goal. This year, I'm torn between two ideas: writing about my daydreams freeform, or writing a fictional story about me touring with/being a member of the Beatles. I'm kind of "meh" on it, but I did have a lot of fun with it last year, and was proud of my finished work (even though it sits on my hard drive requiring extensive editing - someday!). I guess tonight at midnight, I just start typing and see what happens!

* Costume contest at work. I'm wearing my Musketeer outfit, but I'm going to lose to either the "Box of Wheaties" or the "Help Wanted Ad". They are awesome!

The Incredible Shrinking Ray - Week 41

2008-10-29T12:47:00.003-04:00

As I sit here suffering from a big sinus headache, I have no good news to report. Fortunately, I sure this gain is temporary - I've been floating around the 210-212 mark all week, so that's the new "normal range" for me. Back to the gym, when I feel good enough to go.

Summary:
Starting Weight: 237 lbs.
Weeks 1-40 Loss: 36 lbs.
Week 41 GAIN: 2 lbs.
Current Weight: 212 lbs.

The Incredible Shrinking Ray - Week 40

2008-10-22T17:12:00.003-04:00

Late again - no good reason this time, other than getting into a habit, I suppose.

What I enjoyed this weekend was seeing my weight at 210 lbs Friday morning, and STILL seeing it Monday morning. Seems like the weekend is good for a couple of pounds returning normally, but not this time!

I'm moving around at work a lot more lately, so I'm hoping that energy spent is burning a few calories!

Summary:
Starting Weight: 237 lbs.
Weeks 1-39 Loss: 35 lbs.
Week 40 Loss: 1 lbs.
Current Weight: 210 lbs.

All I've Got To Do

2008-10-16T14:12:00.002-04:00

I promised a ATIC update a week back. Finally sitting down to do it!

A few weeks ago, Scott called me for what probably had to be a VERY difficult phone call for him. He was calling to ask me to step down as host of the Alley Theater Improv Challenge. He stressed that while I was a good actor, hosting just wasn't for me. In the same way Drew Carey isn't doing that great as host of "The Price is Right". You could tell that he was worried that I'd be mad/sad/angry/hateful/you name it.

I was relieved!

When I first volunteered to host it way back in February, I never expected it to be anything more than a higher-profile version of my old improv group, RASCAL. Basically inform the audience of what the talented people were going to do, get the ask-fors, and enjoy the show unfolding. Once Scott brokered a deal to have it televised, my gut reaction then was "Do they STILL want me be the host???"

I'm not putting myself down here. The fact of the matter is that I've never performed in front of the camera. I've had no training, so I was basically trying to adapt the whole time. I was uncomfortable and out of my element big time, and it showed on the screen. Personally, I'm thrilled that Scott had the business knowledge to make the change now, instead of continuing to try and "make it work".

Fortunately, I'm not done with the show by a longshot! Scott offered me the role of Producer, putting me on the same level as he and Carol. I'll continue to coordinate the performers, get all the ask-fors, probably be a guest judge once in awhile, and generally keep the on-camera show going. It's still plenty of work, and necessary work at that.

I'll also be one of the folks picking a new host. Someone with everything I couldn't provide - on-camera experience and looking comfortable on the small screen. And I plan on being the most anal retentive SOB on the panel - not just ANYONE can replace me! :)

The other part of the plan is what has me the msot excited though. The Alley Theater is going to set up a show for training inprov skills, and I'll be the instructor! Similar to the Groundlings and Second City in make-up, we're going to have a beginner's course and an intermediate course. We'll also have a performance course, invitation only, and they'll be the members of the Alley Theater's very own improv troupe. Just like the days I ran RASCAL, only generating revenue!

I'll be honest - my ego took a bit of bruising over losing the hosting job. But what I'm getting in return I already know will make me happier in the long run.

The Incredible Shrinking Ray - Week 39

2008-10-16T14:06:00.002-04:00

Again really late in posting this one. RedFaery had sinus surgery, and I've mainly been focusing on making sure she has everything she needs to be comfortable and heals properly.
However, the good news is that I've lost weight. Probably due to eating less, not so much exercise or watching what I eat. I'll take what I can get, especially with less than 3 months to go!

Summary:
Starting Weight: 237 lbs.
Weeks 1-37 Loss: 28 lbs.
Week 38 Loss: 7 lbs.
Current Weight: 211 lbs.

Too Much Monkey Business

2008-10-05T16:23:00.003-04:00

Been a while since I've done a "here's my life" post. I'll save updates on the TV show for the next one, once I have an important meeting with the producers (big announcements coming soon).

This weekend RedFaery and I had a "Bad Movie Party". Anyone that's ever been to a showing of "Rocky Horror Picture Show" or seen "Mystery Science Theater 3000" knows what this is. Basically you get a lot of B-grade movies, and talk about it the entire time while the movie is showing. Sometimes you change the dialogue, sometimes you crack on the plot and characters, but whatever you do you don't try to follow along with what's going on.

Since our front room (hell, ALL our rooms) is small, we kept it to a small group. Someone requested that I make gumbo, so I spent Saturday morning slicing chicken and peppers, loading the crockpot and setting it on low. Red cleaned and cleaned the Friday before and deservedly slept in. I mowed for what is hopefully the last time in 2008 - have to remember to take the mower to a small engine place down the road for service and blade sharpening before storing it for spring.

Just after 4pm our friends started showing up. Danny & Holly brought brownies and an excellent meat-laden chili, Cindy brought chicken fingers and other deserts, Kim brought extra chairs and a friend, and Tymber brought a superb collection of B movies - half of which starring Bruce Campbell.

We watched the ever-popular "Army of Darkness", complete with original ending. Next was the original Batman movie with the TV series cast (Adam West version) - in all it's cheesy glory! We followed it up with one everyone MUST see, mine and RedFaery's favorite B-movie of all time, "Monster Man".

We tried "Bubba Ho-Tep" and realized it wasn't a good one for a bad movie party - partly because of it's slow pace, but also because we wanted to follow along with the plot. So we stopped it after 30 minutes or so, and put in "Fangs", a movie about genetically-altered bats.

The last of our visitors headed out around 1:30am, all seemingly having enjoyed themselves. Virtually no clean-up - what a tidy bunch! It will be a while before we host another Bad Movie Party, because if you try to do them too often they get stale. But we will have one again!

The Incredible Shrinking Ray - Week 38

2008-10-02T11:18:00.003-04:00

REALLY late posting this. Been dealing with things at work I'm not thrilled about that I won't cover in a public forum, so my mind's been elsewhere. Haven't been eating more, but I'll wager stress is affecting my weight. That's all for now.

Summary:
Starting Weight: 237 lbs.
Weeks 1-37 Loss: 25 lbs.
Week 38 GAIN: 3 lbs.
Current Weight: 215 lbs.

The Incredible Shrinking Ray - Week 37

2008-09-23T13:00:00.002-04:00

Sadly, nothing interesting to report. Again I dipped as low as 211, but was back up to 212 monday morning.

One positive thing to report - I FINALLY made it back to the gym Monday evening! My standard 30 minutes on the elliptical. I like starting at about 6:30pm, because I can flip the channel on the attached TV to "Cash Cab" and try to guess the answers with the contestants - and I don't even think about the fact that I'm working out.

Summary:
Starting Weight: 237 lbs.
Weeks 1-36 Loss: 25 lbs.
Week 37 Loss: 0 lbs.
Current Weight: 212 lbs.

Being for the Benefit of Mr. Kite

2008-09-16T17:31:00.002-04:00

Everytime a hurricane pops up and assaults one of our coasts, I never really realize what it's like. That changed this week with the remnants of Hurricane Ike blowing into town.

Sunday morning I go outside and run the electric weedeater, since the grass is only tall it patches and mowing would be more trouble than it's worth. Heavier winds than normal, and I just think a thunderstorm is moving in. After I clean up, RedFaery gives me a list to fetch things at the store (she's too sick to go out). I also need an oil change, so I tell her I'm going to be out a little longer to do that.

It's only then that I realize the winds are much, much stronger than they were earlier. I slowly approach an intersection where the lights have already gone out, but they suddenly snap to red on me as I'm halfway thru. I think, "Maybe they were only out on my side," and I back up to let the traffic thru and go when it turns green for me.

I get to the oil change place, and they only manage to pop my hood when theur power goes out with a loud BANG - the lead to their business ripped itself off the electric pole. No power to run their equipment or take my credit card, so I leave and head to another one on Dixie Highway that has power still. As I leave there, I'm chased (really! chased!) by two of their metal signs.

By now, I've called RedFaery once to let her know what's going on and to see if she's ok. She told me we lost power at home, but she was still fine. Since we really needed food, I elected to keep going.

We have three Kroger stores that are equadistant to the house, so I head to the closest one to me. No power. I head towards one past Iroquois Park, but a large tree branch and police clue me in that I wasn't getting any further up that road. So I change direction again and head to the one near Churchill Downs.

As I weave in and out of tree limbs and trash cans, I see an upturned port-a-potty. As I swerve around it, it lunges at me. I shit you not (pun intended)!

The Churchill Downs Kroger still has power, so I get everything on the list. Little did I know that most of that money would eventually go to waste, since our power ultimately stayed off for 36 hours.

During all this, RedFaery and I are trying to keep tabs on one another. But the amount of cellular traffic or atmospheric interference kept sending us into each others' voice mail. So I left her a message to tell her I'm still ok, picking up lunch, and coming home.

The only restaurant left with power was the nearby J. Gumbo's, so I got cajun food. The place was packed.

I return home and fight the wind getting everything inside. I went outside a little later when the winds dropped to 20 mph or so to see if we had any damage. We were very lucky - no damage. Lots of shingles and siding was missing from various neighbor's homes. A good-sized tree limb had fallen of a tree where our neighbor normally parks his van, but wisely moved it.

That night we went into my work. Power was already back on, so I e-mailed our out-of-town offices to let them know the situation, then went to our favorite sushi place. The bar was packed with people that wouldn't miss their football game - glad some things never change!

I typically use a CPAP machine at night due to my sleep apnea, but obviously couldn't that night! Since my snores are enough to rattle windows, I slept in the living room with the cats. The next day I was a zombie, but work wasn't too rough on me.

RedFaery fought the headache from her sinus infection for as long as she could, but I had to take her into the emergency room to get her a shot so she could finally get some rest. It was a longer wait than normal, and it looked like there were a lot of minor accidents that had occured thoughout the day. One guy's arm looked chewed up - my guess was a chainsaw kickback of some kind.

She woke me off the couch at 2am when the power finally came back, so I could come to bed and use my CPAP again. At our house now, it's as if there never was a problem - but I'm one of the lucky ones. Many are expected to still be without power for a few more days.

I never would have suspected the hurricane would have sustained that much power through half the U.S. I can't even begin to imagine what it was like in Texas.

A Hard Day's Night

2008-09-16T17:05:00.003-04:00

Our second scheduled Improv Challenge taping (I'm about 5 days behind!) went off pretty well. Lots of little changes made it smoother still.

The biggest change is the addition of Deuce Leader as our new music and sound director. I don't really know why Joel dropped out, but I do know that Deuce is an excellent addtion to the team! He's been a DJ in the area for a long time, and is really comfortable on the mic. He makes a great foil for me when bantering, and has some improv experience, so the creativity is there and is a good challenge for me.

Walden Theatre had to back out of this show due to scheduling issues, so Heyman Telent came back for another round. They went up against the cast & crew of the movie "Dead Moon Rising 2". Everyone brought their A-game, and I'm thrilled to see the teams getting very comfortable with trying to create a laugh. They're really starting to play to the camera!

I also got word that after this upcoming taping, we're officially moving the show off the little stage in Vinnie's, and moving to a bigger stage in the Fox Den. This brings us down to the audience a bit more, and gives us a lot more space for the audience.

After meeting with Carol and Scott today, we agreed to a few more format changes that will give me even more freedom on stage. A lot of the technical items, such as explaining the games, will become pre-recorded pieces. How we do the challenges will change as well, allowing me to not carry around my "crutch" of reading material. Whomever wins the first face-off picks the first game they'll play, and the opposing team will play that same game - the only difference is the subject. Speaking of the subjects for the games, those will be taken from the audience before the show as well. Each subject will be what is put on the cards drawn from the pockets on stage - it will be up to the team to figure out how to make it all fit.

Finally, the next taping (we're skipping this week due to the wind storms) will be TWO shows back-to-back. And the first one - a zombie special, just in time to be broadcast on Halloween! And we've already got plans in place to make it memorable!

It's really starting to fall into place!

The Incredible Shrinking Ray - Week 36

2008-09-16T17:00:00.002-04:00

I managed to drop down to 211 lbs at one point this week. Then with the wind storm killing the electricity in the area for nearly two days (another blog entry soon), we pretty much ate convenience food the whole time. I'l thrilled I only gained one of those pounds back.

I've discovered that if I go to bed a little hungry, it helps. If the hunger is really bad, I'll drink another bottle of water. The only drawback is that it sometimes makes it hard to get to sleep.

And just for my sister - no talk of pooping!

Summary:
Starting Weight: 237 lbs.
Weeks 1-35 Loss: 25 lbs.
Week 36 Loss: 0 lbs.
Current Weight: 212 lbs.

The Incredible Shrinking Ray - Week 35

2008-09-08T10:46:00.002-04:00

I've found a secret dieting technique that REALLY WORKS!!! Get sick!

I mentioned briefly in my last blog of my Friday eating binge - all that weight disappeared in the restroom the next day, and I was kinda shocked. What then shocked me even more was that I had to keep going back to the restroom. I started to swear off pizza and Mountain Dew for the rest of my life until RedFaery told me to take my temperature. 100.6 degrees - and I thought I just feeling crappy from, well, crapping.

The thing about being sick - you never really feel that bad until someone points out that you SHOULD be feeling bad. Then you feel REALLY bad! I sweated like a turkey on Thanksgiving day all night, and was wobbley all the next day. I described the sensation as "vibrating on a sub-atomic level" - you feel like you're shaking, but in reality you're not. We had plans to visit friends for a wrestling pay-per-view, but didn't want to give anyone anything.

I'm trying the work thing this morning, but having the strength of a newborn kitten isn't going to get me far today, I fear.

The good news is my weekend-long shitfest has gotten me down to the lowest point in my weight since starting this program - 212 lbs! Now if there was only a way to replicate this without seriously endangering my health, this would be easy!

Summary:
Starting Weight: 237 lbs.
Weeks 1-32 Loss: 20 lbs.
Week 33 Loss: 5 lbs.
Current Weight: 212 lbs.

This Boy

2008-09-06T12:04:00.003-04:00

Hey, anyone reading my blog, feel free to pimp your own! On the bottom right-hand corner, I added the feature "Followers" - if you sign up there, it links to your own blog. Besides, I'm curious myself who's reading - I'm only aware of about five people (and I'm married to one of them).

In unrelated news - 5 pieces of pizza and 3 cans of Mountain Dew add exactly five pounds. I fucking hate Fridays - my tummy is a "captive audience" to whatever food is there.

Happiness is a Warm PUN!

2008-09-06T11:36:00.002-04:00

Thursday night we taped the first official episode of the Alley Theater Improv Challenge. Or so we thought. Joel, our musical director, never showed. He not only plays the music during the show, but he also plays sound effects, gives me onstage cues, and gives me someone to banter with during the slow moments. After we were done, Carol and Scott were leaning heavily into the field of "let's make this a final dress rehearsal and start fresh next week" - it really all boils down to editing and deciding if Joel missing will disrupt the flow of the episodes. I just hope he's ok, cause we never heard from him.

But the entire time we proceeded like it's going to air. The whole day while at work I was anticipating what to do and psyching up. One of my co-workers was on a team that was performing tonight, and she was antsy too. Fortunately the workload was light enough, so I didn't make any major gaffes.

I got there about 6:30 and was first told about Joel missing. I covered with Scott all the things I needed to do in case he didn't show. Most of my cues we going to be delivered by the floor manager, which wouldn't look that great on camera, but would get the job done.

I spent a few minutes with the judges and gave them the rundown on what they'd be doing. They'd come from all walks of the performing arts, and were great all evening giving me someone to banter with when things got slower. I'll probably utilize them more in that regard.

I then gathered the teams together to cover all the last-minute changes and how they're going to affect them. Our competitors were evenly matched. The Second-Chancers were a group of ladies (including my co-worker) that had never pursued the performing arts, and were finally throwing caution to the wind and going for it. Heyman Talent was a group of aspiring performers - however one of their members had to drop out at the last second and was replaced by someone that had just a little instruction. All of them were ready to act silly and have a lot of fun, so I was thrilled to see them go.

Lots of memorable moments. During a one minute re-enactment of "Cinderella", my co-worker just randomly kicked her shoe off to her teammates, and that got a big laugh. Two members of Heyman Talent seemed very natural playing a husband and wife shopping, and they brought a ton of energy. In the end, Heyman Talent won by a mere 14 points. No one left unhappy, which is my goal.

Afterward, I "debriefed" with everyone. The judges gave solid critique of how we can tweak a few of the skits to make them more interesting to the viewing audience. Scott gave a lot of production notes there at the club and later in e-mail that will tighten the ship considerably. Carol and the performers had nothing but praise for the comedy and comfort they had.

If this show winds up being used as "promotional material" for the next few weeks, like when I go on the CW morning show, Heyman Talent will probably get a bye in the tournament, and the Second Chancers will get, funnily enough, a "second chance".

Despite all the setbacks, I'm still extremely happy with how it's all coming together. I'm especially surprised at my own comfort level in front of three cameras trained on me. This thing is going to be HUGE!

Across the Universe

2008-09-06T11:06:00.002-04:00

I need to catch up my blog on this last week, since I was so busy. First I'll start with the TSC BBQ in Indy.

RedFaery and I invited a friend to make the trip with us, as Cinn's expressed an interest in getting out more. I hadn't spent as much time with her as Red has, but I was happy to find that she's a great conversationalist. The 2+ hour drive to Indy didn't seem nearly as long!

We arrived a little after noon, and started introducing ourselves to the folks we hadn't met yet. I suppose I should mention that TSC stands for Tech Support Comedy, and it's an online community for those in the IT field that want to make friends and vent about the frustrations that come along with the job. RedFaery had been a member for a number of years before discovering the social aspect of it, and after I came along for the ride to the first BBQ we attended, I also joined and made some friends. I'm not a techie - I only offer the "C" of "TSC", but that's good enough for them!

A nice surprise for RedFaery - a co-worker from her days living in Indy was there, and neither one expected to see each other. While Persephone wasn't an active forum poster, she was a regular on the site. They'd talked online once in a while, but hadn't seen each other in six years.

The host of the gathering, RiffRaff (husband of Magenta, for those wondering the origin of the name) stated that in true TSC BBQ fashion, we were going to go "Office Space" on some old printers he brought from work. One of the British TSC gatherings started the tradition of re-enacting the "Damn It Feels Good to Be a Gangsta" scene from the movie, and it stuck. When asking for ideas on how to creatively destroy them, I suggested stringing them up like pinatas, and the group seemed to go along with it.

As the Epson Stylus printer dangled from a tree branch, everyone took turns whacking it with a shovel. Many times it got wound up in the tree, but just as many times pieces went flying in several directions. I kept half a roller bar, and it sits above me in the hands of my Darth Tater as I type this. Memento.

After many burgers, brats, grilled corn and conversation, Riff insisted that I get up and entertain everyone. I'd kept everyone on the website informed of the Improv Challenge and how it progressed, and all the while unknowingly planted the seed in his mind that I was able to perform at the drop of a hat. He'd mentioned it to me when we first got there, and I laughed it off. Hours later, he's now standing up and asking, "How should I introduce you?". My response: "Oh my god, you're SERIOUS, aren't you?"

Since all the improv games I know involve at least one other person, I didn't let Riff off the hook and made him my partner. I quickly picked out "Moving People", since it didn't require much set-up. Basically while Riff and I talked about picking up chicks at church (the random subject), two others would move our body parts like man-sized dolls. We delved into picking up nuns and lactating (which was spawned by "me" putting my hands on my chest). At one point Persephone (who was moving me) was laughing so hard she could do nothing but lay her face in my back and gigglesnort. Offhand I'd say it went well - the YouTube video will be up any day now I'm sure.

We left as the bonfire was starting up, so we'd be home by midnight. Cinn had made a few new friends, so it was a great success in her "getting out of the house" mission. This having been our 4th BBQ, we've started to become used to the concept of "driving hundreds of miles to meet people you only know online" and are enjoying ourselves more and more each time. Our goal next year is to host a BBQ of our own and show off Louisville to our TSC friends.

Act Naturally

2008-09-04T12:25:00.002-04:00

Tonight's the first taping of the Alley Theater Improv Challenge. I'm already too distracted - left my cellphone at phone accidently. Seems like half my life's in there...

We only have six teams signed up for this thing - we really want sixteen, so we're hoping once we start airing a few episodes, people will say, "Hey, I can do that!" and join up. So these next three Thursdays are pretty important!

We had a problem figuring out what to do about the judges - Scott says he's taken care of it, so I guess I'll find out tonight what's happening.

I tweaked how I'm doing the "game selecting process" - instead of having the cards list the entire skit, they'll only list the skit's name. I'll have all the descriptions in my cheat sheet on stage - hey, if Drew Carey can do it, so can I!

My biggest concern is filling the voids when they occur on stage. I have a musical directer (Joel) I can banter with a bit, but finding interesting/funny things to say on the fly is scary - despite my improv background. Nothing more than what I'm asking of the contestants, so I'll deal.

Deep cleansing breaths...

The Incredible Shrinking Ray - Week 34

2008-09-02T11:10:00.003-04:00

Nothing like a holiday weekend to make you fall off the chuck wagon. And fall I did! Saturday was a BBQ in Indy - burgers, brats, and salsa dip all day. Sunday was the buffet at the local casino. And Monday was All-You-Can Eat soup, salad and breadsticks at Olive Garden for a friend's birthday. I'll probably blog on at least the BBQ later.

The good news about it all is that the pounds gained typically drop off after a day or so. The bad news is that it will be after my weekly check-in.

Mega-busy week - still probably won't get to the gym.

Summary:
Starting Weight: 237 lbs.
Weeks 1-32 Loss: 23 lbs.
Week 33 GAIN: 3 lbs.
Current Weight: 217 lbs.

Drive My Car

2008-08-25T14:06:00.003-04:00

Make yours @ BigHugeLabs.com

A map of every state I've visited. It's only when I look at it like this do I realize how well-traveled I'm NOT! A couple of notable states for me:

Utah & Arizona: This is the far end of the long driving vacation I took with my family when I was probably 10 or so. Think "National Lampoon's Vacation" without the dead aunt, Wally World or Christie Brinkley, and that's pretty much it. I counted the states in between there and Indiana, as we had to stop and pee sometime, right?

California: I took myself there for 5 days after my first divorce - figured I'd do something I always wanted to do, but never would while married. However, since I was cash-poor, I didn't really do anything except walk 20 blocks to the Walk of Fame and the Chinese Theater and eat McDonald's. I wouldn't have traded the experience for anything!

Wisconsin: Boy Scout summer camp in the middle of the state. The two notable things on this trip: getting inducted into the Order of the Arrow, and our entire caravan of three vans getting pulled over by a cop for u-turning in the grass median of the interstate (and man, did that cop let our scoutmaster have it!).

Florida: I've been to Florida for vacations and business more times than I've visited any other state (other than my home states of Indiana & Kentucky). Damn near every time on someone else's dime though!

You can make a map for countries visited too, but other than the U.S., I can only claim Jamaica, so it would have been boring.

I've got a lot of traveling to do!

The Incredible Shrinking Ray - Week 33

2008-08-25T13:42:00.003-04:00

Sticking to water only (well, 90% of the time) is working well for me again. I still haven't gotten to the gym yet.

I really need to lay off the pizza - I've had it three times this week. Damn the convenience of it! I'm surprised I lost as much as I did!

Summary:
Starting Weight: 237 lbs.
Weeks 1-32 Loss: 21 lbs.
Week 33 Loss: 2 lbs.
Current Weight: 214 lbs.

I've Just Seen a Face

2008-08-21T13:05:00.004-04:00

Some recent photos that reference back to recent blog entries:

The room full of Beatle's album covers. These are the Japanese Beatles. "She ruves you, reah, reah, reah!"

RedFaery and I recording a Beatle's song (Let It Be).

My Musketeer outfit, minus the sword.

RedFaery in her Rennaisance outfit.

RedFaery's birthday dinner last night. Fifteen came out to celebrate with us. We had Jockamo's pizza and a decadent chocolate rasberry cake made by one of our friends (it gave Red a "cakegasm"). The waitress missed putting in our order, so we ate about 40 minutes after everyone else at the table (she felt so bad about doing it on Red's birthday, she didn't charge us). People brought giant balloons, one reading "Best of luck on a speedy recovery" as a joke (she's still laughing about that). Afterward, just the two of us went to karaoke, and I sang a couple of songs just for her. Great evening!

Birthday

2008-08-20T12:07:00.002-04:00

RedFaery is officially 35 today! Due to an inside joke, I still refer to her as 32 though.

Last year she tried to get people to go out with her to eat to celebrate, and no one showed up. She lost quite a few friends that day ("lost" being a soft word for "kicked them out of her life"), and it was a miserable time for her.

This year some new friends we've made have planned a celebration at a local pizza place we've never tried, and about 15 people have already responded saying they're coming out. Even if only 10 of them make it out, it's already a better birthday for her!

Afterward we'll probably go karaoke - one of the attendees recommended a place that has it Wednesday nights. I don't know if she'll hold out that long (been plagued with a bad headache for over a week now), but I know she'll try.

The best part (and potentially the best birthday present): she had a solid job interview yesterday (only the third since being laid off over five months ago), doing the same type of work she really enjoyed two jobs ago. The interviewer gave her all kinds of positive vibes - they have another candidate to see Monday, but she'll know that evening if they want her. Should make for a tense weekend for her, but it'll help that I'm taking her shopping for new clothes - focus that nervous energy towards something positive and fun!

All my love, baby!

Glass Onion

2008-08-20T12:03:00.003-04:00

www.fantasticcontraption.com

One of my new addictions. I've solved all the existing levels (those last three are a bitch!), and I'm considering signing up ($10) to play levels created by others (and making my own).

Right now, I'm replaying each one trying unconventional methods - intentionally making it harder on myself. For example, if it's just a matter of building a car that takes the pink ball into the pink zone, I'll try making a catapult to hurl it instead.

Enjoy!

The Honeymoon Song

2008-08-19T12:44:00.002-04:00

(NOTE: Yes, that's a Beatle's song title, from "Live at the BBC")

Always a groom, never a groomsman. Until this last weekend.

I'd met Celtic Kleric and Tymber thru an online community many years ago. Eventually they found each other and found love. Like RedFaery and I, they married once for insurance purposes, and were now going to have the big ceremony and celebration with their family and friends.

Since between them there was a ton of family and friends, choosing who was to be in their wedding party was going to be a chore, so they left it up to chance and drew names out of a hat. RedFaery was one of the bridesmaids. When CK mentioned one of the groomsmen may not be able to afford the outfit, I casually mentioned to him that if he needed someone else, to just holler. A couple of weeks later, he did just that!

I mentioned the "outfit", right? What I didn't mention was that it was a Renaissance-style wedding, and the theme was based off one of their favorite movies, the Disney version of "The Three Musketeers". Now you know what I mean by outfit, right? Full musketeer garb - hat with plume, tabbard, breaches, and rapier.

CK & Tymber let me know that they were supplying the rapier (groomsmen's gifts!), so I just needed to come up with the rest. They showed me a couple of online sites to start my search. Red and I had been trying to come up with a good Renaissance outfit for me anyway, so this made life easier for us.

Speaking of Red, she was looking for a new outfit too since she'd dropped so much weight. We went to a Kentucky Renn faire a few months ago, and she found a nice medium blue skirt and a muffin hat to match. But the crowning jewel of her ensemble was a bodice with intricate patterns stitched into it. It gave her the look of upper-middle/working class, and showed off her new figure well.

Look at me, sounding all "What Not to Wear" up in here! Moving on...

We dressed at home and drove 90 minutes to Frankfort, to the Buffalo Trace Distillery where the outdoor ceremony and indoor reception were to be. No one else was dressed yet, and everyone was still decorating the hall. Red and I pitched in wherever we could - laying tablecloth, setting up chairs, carrying in food. We then ran thru the ceremony briefly, climbing a hill up a flagstone set of steps, and standing on a bridge high above were the audience stood. Pretty simple, and not nearly as hot outside as I thought it would be.

The actual ceremony went well. No major screw ups, other than one of the ring bearers being in a grumpy, noisy mood. Red and I, standing across from each other, got our own little signs of love to one another that no one else notices, so we kept ourselves entertained.

Afterward were the photos while the crowd went in to eat. There should be a good pic of CK and I mock sword fighting somewhere in the mix. He mentioned wanting a "honor guard" of musketeers holding swords aloft and making a tunnel, military style. Easier said than done, since the happy couple were both at least 6-foot tall!

I took it upon myself to make sure everyone saw the entrance. When we were lined up and ready, I used my best theater voice and shouted PRESENT ARMS!. Definitely got the crowd's attention, and they they turned away from the buffet long enough to applaud the couple. The maid of honor, Jenn, wasn't quite expecting it though - she turned to Red and said, "I think I just peed myself!"

As we're enjoying the food, we hear rumblings of toasts by the maid of honor and best man. However, the best man is terrified of public speaking, so I offer to step in there as well. I'd already thought about what I'd say if I had the chance, so I took it. It went something like this:

"I'm not entirely sure when CK & Tymber started dating. In fact, I don't even think THEY know when they started dating. When I'd ask them if they were, they reply with something like, "Yes...no...I don't know...it's complicated." How is this complicated? Either you are or you aren't I say - well, to my wife I'd say that anyway, not to their faces! Anyway, they seemed to eventually figure it out, which is great. So everyone please raise their glasses. To CK and Tymber, may it never be complicated again!"

Eventually things started dying down, and we started to help clean up. Once we did all we could to help, we gave them hugs, wished them a great time on their honeymoon, and headed out. It was a fun day, and I truly hope Red and I helped make it a memorable one for them.

The Incredible Shrinking Ray - Week 32

2008-08-19T12:37:00.002-04:00

Coming back from vacation, I've noticed the same thing always tends to happen to me. Specifically what goes on in the bathroom. I'll spare you the details - let's just say I don't get rid of much while my body is adjusting to the change of pace. Eventually it smoothes out after 3 days or so.

Never did get to the gym - renew that commitment. And ate extremely good, rich, and undoubtedly unhealthy food at a wedding this last weekend (more in the next blog), so that didn't help either. Probably would have dropped more if I focused on it.

Summary:
Starting Weight: 237 lbs.
Weeks 1-31 Loss: 19 lbs.
Week 32 Loss: 2 lbs.
Current Weight: 216 lbs.

Her Majesty

2008-08-15T19:37:00.002-04:00

(Anyone that's familiar with "Abbey Road" will get the use of that song title for this vacation postscript)

One more memorable moment from the Beatle's convention I forgot to mention...

Sometime Saturday when we were sitting under the stairs singing, I noticed that the musicians were keeping with the simple guitar ballads. That's all fine and dandy, but we were drifting slowly into the "I Gave My Love a Cherry" sequence from "Animal House", and this scene needed a "Bluto".

After a song was over, I shouted out to the closest picker, "How about playing 'I'm Down'?" For those not in the know, "I'm Down" was one of Paul McCartney's songs that was loud and up-tempo. Think of Little Richard meets Metallica.

The musicians kinda rolled their eyes, getting a look on their faces like "this is going to suck". One of them said over his shoulder to me, "If you think you can sing it..."

That's all I needed to hear! I responded, returning the snarky attitude with, "Oh, I can sing it - I just hope you can keep up!" And off I went...

YOU TELL LIES THINKIN' I CAN'T SEE! YOU CAN'T CRY CAUSE YOU'RE LAUGHIN AT ME! I'M DOWN!!

A couple of things happened at once:
1. The guitarists got this "Oh Shit!" look on their faces, but recovered quick enough to start playing.
2. Some poor teenage girl sitting in front of me (and her back to me) never saw it coming. I didn't know anyone could jump that high from a sitting position on the floor!

And for a brief three minutes, everyone on the basement level of the Hyatt know who I was. Worth the cost of admission all by itself.

Magical Mystery Tour (Part 2)

2008-08-14T16:26:00.002-04:00

We begin with Sunday morning of our vacation again at Dunkin' Donuts, and a very happy RedFaery. I'll have you know I didn't eat just donuts each of these visits - I enjoyed a ham, egg & cheese cresent and hot chocolate as well.

We got on the highway and started towards the downtown area. Somewhere along the way, Grue called to make sure we were underway. My keen navigational sense was working as well is usual, so we wondered off the path somewhere between Lake Shore Drive and the Museum of Science and Industry and meandered around until we found it.

Clan Grue showed up a few minutes later (Grue, his wife HairTech, and their two sons) and we began our journey. No real plan of attack, we just casually moved from one exhibit to another taking it all in. Grue and their eldest got tickets to explore the submarine while the rest of us relaxed in the commissary and taking in a few more stops along the way. All the walking around from the day before caught up with me and RedFaery, so we headed out to eat.

As I'm following Grue to the restaurant, we get separated when he decides to make a u-turn (a random street festival blocked his path), and I opt for a normal turn. As we chatter on the phone with each other trying to meet up again, we magically appear at the restaurant before him! I wasn't aware it was valet parking only, so I quickly take a spot. The valet comes over to inform me it's $8 to take that spot. I wasn't born yesterday, so before I took his word for it I ask him to go to the valet booth with me - only then, when I determined he wasn't just some guy off the street, I paid him. Probably didn't endear me to him, but he'll get over it.

Ever since I've known RedFaery, she's talked about a place in Chicago where the waiters are intentionally rude to the guests and how she'd love to take me there. It just so happens that's where Grue decided to take us. Ed Debevic's is a widely popular burger joint (yes, that's four hamburgers for RedFaery in three days!), and they all wanted to subject me to it's charms. The funny thing was that everyone else kept the waitress busy bantering with her that she never really did have time to banter with me specifically. The worst I got - I was forced to wear a paper hat.

The burger was good (I got the 5-Alarm spicy burger - I give it 3 alarms tops though), and at one point music starts up and the waiters dance on the floor and on the bar. I still have "Get Up Off of That Thing!" by James Brown running thru my head.

Off we drove (at 70 mph!) to Casa Grue. While Red jumped in the car with HairTech to go pay a bill, Grue gave me the grand tour - including showing off the house server for their four computers, the in-house salon, and an amazing array of museum-quality ancient software Grue was especially proud to have accumulated over the years.

We topped off the evening enjoying a movie ("enjoying" being a loose term - "Highlander: The Source" we all agreed wasn't too great of a flick) and some popcorn. Occaisionally I was whisked upstairs to their eldest son's room to watch him play a Star Wars game on his X-box. Somewhere along the way, HairTech gave RedFaery a lower back massage, and Red found another substance she's developed an allergy to recently (almond oil is the likely culprit).

When the kids were sent to bed, we hung out with HairTech and Grue in their kitchen just chatting about the online site we're all members of, children, health issues, jobs and whatever else. Time flew by and it was 1am before we knew it (2am Louisville time), so we toddled off to bed. I think we were both out when our heads hit the pillows.

It was pitch black. We were not eaten by a Grue. He had to get up very early to get to work, so I felt sorry for him in his zombie-like state.

Monday morning we got up and said our goodbyes to the kids, then HairTech led us out to the nearest Dunkin' Donuts (once more, with feeling!) and pointed out the interstate to us. One last hug, a couple of jelly/creme-filled joyous moments later, and we were on the road again.

All of RedFaery's family live in northern Indiana/southern Michigan, so it only made sense to visit them on the way back. We met up with her mother, sister and nephew and stopped by the new home her sister and family just got. Nice little modular with enough room for their son to run around.

We headed to Red Lobster for lunch where I had my normal Endless Salad and Soup, and RedFaery had another hamburger (just kidding - no more hamburgers!). It was a nice relaxing stop, and I enjoyed bantering with Logan now that he's getting better at talking. I think he was just glad to have a guy around so he wasn't forced to go into the women's bathroom with his mom.

Hugs goodbye, and off we go again to visit RedFaery's grandmother. She's 85, very spry and intelligent, and a very positive person, so it's always great to see her. However, my body is already weary from the driving, so I take a catnap in the guest bedroom for 40 minutes while the girls catch up.

When I get up, we head out to grab a pizza. When we're finished eating, Red's aunt and uncle (who live nearby) stopped in and we catch up with them as well. It's a long 4+ hour drive home, so we couldn't stay very long - one more round of hugs and off we go.

We get home about midnight (back on our time again), love on the cats a little, check our e-mail and head to bed. I took the next day off as well, since I knew the drive would wipe me out, plus I had a couple of other tasks I need to tackle.

So there you go - how I spent my summer vacation. It may be another 2 years before we take another one, but I think we made the most out of our time off.

Magical Mystery Tour (Part 1)

2008-08-13T16:58:00.004-04:00

Vacation's over. Insert sad face here. Here's the wrap-up!

We left mid-morning for our long drive to Chicago - no big hurry. RedFaery made a couple of music mixes for the CD player to keep us from being bored. No Beatles in the mix - I insisted we'd both be sick of their music right after the convention, and we wanted to listen to the mixes on the way back too.

About 5 hours later we hit the Chicago traffic. I've been thru worse - we hit about 3pm local time, so it was well between lunch and end-of-day rushes. RedFaery's Mapquested route had us avoiding Gary, Indiana as well, so that was an excellent bonus! The last 15 miles of our drive took about two hours when all was said and done.

Unfortunately, the Beatlefest directions sent us to the wrong Hyatt. Fortunately, we were able to confirm with them that we had reservations at the O'Hare location. Also fortunately, that Hyatt was only a couple of miles away, so it didn't take long to get there. And most importantly, the Hyatt we were at let us use the bathroom!

So we checked in, got settled in our "executive suite" (same as any other suite, but with a desk), and laughed at the prices of the crap in our mini-bar. We then set out to find cheap eats and settled on a Denny's. I ate half the menu, and RedFaery got a nice big hamburger (remember that for later!). When we left we explored the area and found Red's "holy grail" - a REAL Dunkin' Donuts store! Around Louisville, the only DDs we have are attached to gas stations and only sell the simplest stuff (glazed, powdered, krullers and bearclaws). At a REAL Dunkin' Donut store, she could get her long-missed Bowties (glazed cinnamon twists) and vanilla-creme filled powdered sugar donuts. We now had breakfast for the next few mornings planned!

We wandered around the hotel after dinner, and I marvelled at the changes since I'd last been there (at least five years now). The biggest change, and one of our biggest disappointments, was that the pool was gone. We were looking forward to a relaxing swim when we had downtime, so that sucked.

There were already small pockets of people playing guitars and singing around the place. Another significant change was discovered - the tiny cramped stairwell where my fondest memories of the Fest began had been taken out! In it's place was a huge staircase, complete with escalators. Sure there was still space underneath - enough for 100 easily - but the charm of being squished in with 50 people creating a massive fire hazard was now lost. Oh well, time marches on...

We sat down for a little bit and sang along with the dozen or so gathered, relaxing and enjoying the doing-nothingness of vacation. RedFaery was remarking how different it all was and that it wasn't quite what she was expecting, and I told her "you ain't seen nothing yet!"

The next day we got our donuts, then our convention wristbands, and wandered around. I was sad to see that the usual travelling exhibit of John Lennon's art was missing, but plenty of other pieces took up the slack - primarily Ringo's artwork and a photo exhibit of the Beatles studying with the Maharishi. My favorite new exhibit was a room dedicated to all the Beatle's album covers from all over the world. I think I got a pic of "Abbey Road" in Japanese somewhere on our disposable cameras.

As we wandered the merchandise area, I hear "Is that Ray?" and turn to look at a vaguely familiar young man. Since it was obvious I couldn't place him, he clued me in - my nephew from my previous marriage. He was there with his mother and his aunt (my ex-wife). When we were still together, we brought him and his sister to a Beatlefest when he was only 8 years old, and it made a huge impression on him. Sure enough, we eventually caught up with the rest of the family and talked about travel war stories and updated each other on our lives. I should have expected they'd be there (the ex is a bigger Beatlefreak than I am), but it never once occured to me. After that, we ran across then about five more times among 10,000 or so people.

RedFaery graciously indulged my desire to sit around and sing under the stairs many times Saturday. After a while, the singers and guitar players would start to get really lousy and we'd look at each other and say "Wanna wonder off again?", only to come back a couple hours later to a fresh group. I credit this for not getting sick of the music this time. We even went back to the room once to catch a catnap - hey, it's a vacation!

We went out for lunch and found a local bar with a nice selection of food. The only thing on the menu that caught Red's eye was the hamburger. Yet another inexpensive meal! For dinner we planned on doing the $10 buffet at the hotel restaurant. Turns out the buffet was nothing but snack food, salads, pulled pork and...hamburgers. So even more dead cow for the Faery!

While we were back to singing under the stairs, I got a call on my cellphone. Grue, our online friend whom we were going to the museum with Sunday, was letting us know that we could stay at his place Sunday night, saving hotel costs and bypassing the worst of the Chicago traffic. We could barely hear each other over the dulcet tones of a hundred people singing "Getting Better", but I told him we'd let him know if we were going to take him up on the offer. Brief discussion with the boss, and we now knew this was our last evening at the hotel.

(Wow, that's only half of it! More in the next entry)

The Incredible Shrinking Ray - Week 31

2008-08-13T15:45:00.003-04:00

Don't ever let anyone tell you that calories consumed on vacation don't count - because they do! I ate like the fatted calf (minus the slaughter), lounged around a lot, and the scales show it. I guess it could have been worse.

Back to portion control and water, maybe some gym time on Sunday. I'll post a vacation report blog shortly.

Summary:
Starting Weight: 237 lbs.
Weeks 1-30 Loss: 22 lbs.
Week 31 GAIN: 3 lbs.
Current Weight: 218 lbs.

Ticket to Ride

2008-08-07T16:12:00.003-04:00

My last blog until probably Tuesday. So those of you waiting with baited breath on my weight loss info (both of you) will have to wait a little longer.

Tonight is a dry run of the Improv Challenge. Doing this for the first time ever, I don't completely know what to expect. Here's what I'm assuming will happen:

Scott, the cameramen, and the improv artists (a mixture of the pro team the Indicators, some of my old improv buddies, and actual competing teams trying to get their sea legs) will pow-wow on how it's all going to go down. I'll give brief examples/training to the teams on the various skits, with the other improvisors demonstrating how it's done.

Then we'll do a mock taping of the show. They WILL be running the cameras, and some of the footage will be used for commercials to run on TV and web (and if I have my way, be included in the Season One DVD collection - I'm nothing if not ambitious!).

My biggest tasks - learning cues from Scott on how much time we have before and after commercial breaks, learning how to make it interesting, and trying to not look like the rank amateur I really am! No problem, right?

We'll be doing it again next Thursday as well, so I'm not expecting all smoothness and miracles tonight.

***

Then tomorrow morning, RedFaery and I leave for our vacation to Chicago. Yay, a Friday off - first one since the honeymoon!

Saturday is the Fest for Beatle Fans (Beatlefest is SO much easier to say - damn lawyers!). I get to show my wife all the exhibits, merchandise and artwork that I love. I'll probably record a song or two, and I always buy a loud tie. But the most fun is relaxing with 5,000 new buddies, doing nothing but kicking back and singing Beatle's songs. It's the closest to being a hippie I ever get. I just may confuse RedFaery completely!

Sunday we're meeting a few pals from an online community we both frequent (Tech Support Comedy) at the Museum of Science and Industry. RedFaery and I haven't been there since we were kids, so we hope to act like kids the whole day. We've partied with Grue and HairTech before, so it's going to be a blast. Dinner afterward at the location of their choice - always trust the locals when it comes to cuisine!

Monday we'll begin the drive back home, stopping along to way at RedFaery's mother's home. Seeing the new home her sister's family is moving into in two weeks is on the docket as well.

I'm still deciding whether or not to take Tuesday off to get a few more things accomplished. I'll just play it by the ear. Hey, it's a vacation, right?

The Incredible Shrinking Ray - Week 30

2008-08-04T11:35:00.001-04:00

I did make it to the gym, but I paid very little attention to what I was eating and when. I also drank far less water. It cost me.

This week I'm finalizing things for vacation, so I'm already going to be hard-pressed to follow any kind of gameplan on eating or exercising. I'll do my best though!

Summary:
Starting Weight: 237 lbs.
Weeks 1-27 Loss: 24 lbs.
Week 28 GAIN: 2 lbs.
Current Weight: 215 lbs.

Ob-La-Di, Ob-La Da

2008-08-01T12:24:00.003-04:00

In this blog, I'm going to pick up random questions I found online, designed specifically for blogs. No reason.

Have you ever fired a gun?
Yes. When I was a Boy Scout, I actually was certified in firearms. I preferred .22 calibur weapons due to them having less kick. I'd occaisionally go with my dad to the firing range. However, I've not picked one up since then. Probably due to too many John Lennon songs.

Are you good with directions?
Sometimes. I have intermittent internal radar. Problem is I don't know when it's on the blink, so I'll stubbornly get us lost while insisting I'm right.

What's in your pockets?
My cellphone, too many keys, and an empty wallet.

What's your nickname?
"ActingUpAgain" is my most common moniker. I grew up being called "Sugar Ray" a lot - to the point that I really don't care for it. And there's one set of theatre friends that still call me "Peter Quince" (or just "Quincy") due to their first meeting me while performing "Midsummer Night's Dream" together.

What is heaven?
Heaven is a place where you have enough time and energy to do what you want. Currency doesn't exist in any form.

Choose one line from a song that sums up your life thus far.
"And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make." - the Beatles (of course)

Monopoly: yay! or no way?
Yay, at first. Once someone gets ahold of both Park Place and Boardwalk, it's just a matter of time. And it's NEVER me.

Do you like the thrill of a chase?
Absolutely not. I'm the most impatient person you'll ever meet, although I'm very good at hiding it. I want the conclusion and the payoff, and I want it NOW!

What won't you share?
My dinner or my wife. Pretty much everything else I'll give up without thinking, and I have the credit card bills to prove it.

Not a Second Time

2008-07-30T12:25:00.001-04:00

Here's my favorite of the four commercials made:

To see the other two, go to YouTube and search for "alyscott"

A Taste of Honey

2008-07-28T19:35:00.002-04:00

The first commercial for the Improv Challenge!

Sadly, these are destined to be web-only. We're filming the workshops and using footage from it for the TV commercials.

There are a few more that will be on YouTube soon.

The Incredible Shrinking Ray - Week 29

2008-07-28T16:25:00.003-04:00

I'm thrilled to report that I am back to the lowest recorded weight I've been at when starting this plan - 213 lbs! Going back to the basics (portion control & more water) was all I needed to get to this point again.

I am kinda upset with myself for not getting to the gym once this last week. Going to try to make it in at least once this week - that's my short-term goal.

Summary:
Starting Weight: 237 lbs.
Weeks 1-27 Loss: 22 lbs.
Week 28 Loss: 2 lbs.
Current Weight: 213 lbs.

The Incredible Shrinking Ray - Week 28

2008-07-21T13:17:00.003-04:00

I'm happy to be back on the trend of losing about a pound a week. Can't say I'm doing a whole lot different though. I've just been keeping the portions down, despite having pizza a couple of times this last week. And I'm trying to ignore that little "I'm hungry" tinge by drinking a bottle of water when it strikes - maybe that's all I needed to to add.

Still not much of an update, I know. But hey, I'm happy!

Summary:
Starting Weight: 237 lbs.
Weeks 1-27 Loss: 21 lbs.
Week 28 Loss: 1 lb.
Current Weight: 215 lbs.

Eight Days a Week

2008-07-15T10:57:00.002-04:00

Random thoughts on this last week:

My commercials won't work on TV - something technical from what the producer said (I don't know, I'm just a talking head). At least we'll have them on the web, and maybe that will still effectively draw interest and participants.

You know you're a awesome singer when:
a. You're so white you're almost translucent, but still;
b. Black people are shaking your hand and dancing along when you give your rendition of "Minnie the Moocher"

As I mentioned in my weight-loss update, the Mongolian grill we went to was really good. RedFaery is going to try the unlimited version (all you can eat) next time, getting smaller portions, just for the variety. Me, I'm going to stick with one bowl - but I'm going to pile it high!

If you get the lamb chops at Mojitos, be aware that there isn't much meat there. They were more like "lambsicles". Taste was good though.

The Incredible Shrinking Ray - Week 27

2008-07-14T17:44:00.002-04:00

Not too long of an update today.

Quick basic thoughts:
The new Mongolian grill is great, and would have probably been more healthy if I didn't go back for seconds.
Installing new Macs at work is almost as good exercise as 30 minutes on the eliptical - but I hope to not have to do it again anytime soon.

That's it!

Summary:
Starting Weight: 237 lbs.
Weeks 1-23 Loss: 21 lbs.
Week 25 Loss: None
Current Weight: 216 lbs.

Things We Said Today - Part 2

2008-07-07T17:32:00.002-04:00

I re-shot the promos for the Improv Challange on Friday morning. Everything I didn't like about them Scott liked even less, so we both took part of the holiday morning to get some better ones.

We ditched the cue cards entirely, which led to a lot of bumbling on my part. Once we got a solid effort in the can, Scott (with Herschel along to help) tried filming a few more comedic ones. Most of them revolved about me "mistakenly" walking out under the logo (once post-produced) or having Scott tell me I've dropped a line. I think we got some funny ones.

I really made Scott bust a gut when I said, "Hey, ever wanted to be on Saturday Night Live? Well, this ain't it!" Sadly, seeing him laugh made me lose it too.

After 90 minutes, we had 5-6 really good shots, and I got a good lesson on what to expect when playing to the camera, which I've done woefully little on up to this point. I also had to bust out my rusty improv, so it was needed to get me in the right frame of mind to do this show.

Hopefully the spots will be on YouTube this week. And that blooper reel is going to be HUGE!

Take Out Some Insurance On Me Baby

2008-07-07T16:39:00.002-04:00

Another home improvement project is done. Not the painting which we technically are in the middle of (I'm sure that's another blog entry next week), but a long-term goal of having a security system installed is what I'm referring to.

Last week, I caught whatever virus RedFaery was fighting, and I spent a couple days at home feeling like a hot mess. Last thing I wanted to do was to go to work and make people sick before the holiday weekend.

As we sat on the couch watching bad daytime television, I saw a man come up to the porch and knock. I figured it was a salesman or a Morman, so I shuffled out to tell him we weren't interested.

It was indeed a salesman, but it wasn't at all what I was expecting. (By the way, you aren't supposed to know about the rest of this part, so pretend I didn't say it).

The home security system he represents (let's just call it the ABC Company) was looking for what they called "advertising homes" on our street. Appearently when ADT Security started out, they took this same approach - so this wasn't unheard of.

An advertising home basically has the security system installed and the sign in front of the house so people driving or walking by would see the name and get interest in the company. The equipment and installation are no charge to the customer (in this case, us), and the ABC Company is gambling that the name recognition our house generates will make them their money back.

I spent all that time with my fuzzy mind trying to hear the catch, but I couldn't find anything that sounded unreasonable. The only cost to us was the $45/month monitoring fee, and we had to agree to be an advertising home for a minimum of three years. During that time, our rate will never raise - in fact, we can extend it another two years if we want. Plus, with the savings from our homeowners insurance, it actually would cost us a dollar a day.

About five minutes into the conversation, RedFaery poked her head out the door to tell me that Max threw up. This is normally no big deal, so I recognized it as a cue she was giving me to get out of the conversation if I wanted to. After a few minutes, I excused myself to go clean it up. I grabbed her and told her to go talk to the guy and listen for something I missed. I waited a few minutes, pretending to clean up Max's vomit (which the salesman thought was out son, not our cat, and I didn't bother correcting him), and headed back out.

I could tell from Red's mannerisms that she was intrigued too. When he got around to telling us he would include a panic button to call the ambulance, like LifeAlert, we were both sold. After all, it was only a couple of months ago Red could have really used that when she went into anaphalytic shock while home alone. That measure of comfort was priceless.

So we signed up. From what we could tell, the retail value of the package we got was about $1,600, and it cost us nothing! About 30 minutes after all the paperwork was done, the technician was there and installing door sensors and the control panel. We now carry keychain controls as well to arm and disarm the system remotely. So far, we're VERY happy with not only the deal, but the system itself.

The funniest thing about it in retrospect - it's because of home security that we almost didn't get the system. If I weren't home sick, RedFaery would have never answered the door, and he'd have just gone to another house.

I now feel vaguely James Bondish. Without a license to kill, sadly.

The Incredible Shrinking Ray - Week 26

2008-07-07T16:23:00.002-04:00

I'm at the halfway point of my weightloss year. Looking strictly at the stats, I'm ahead of schedule. Having dropped a total to date of 21 pounds, that puts me at losing 57% of the weight I wanted to lose. Something to be proud of!

However, the reality is much different. I hit that number months ago, and have floated between 214-217 all that time. I did once even make it down to 212.

So what's the matter?

Mistakes were made. I tried a few things that differed from what I knew was working, just simply because I wanted to experiment. Problem with that is that I didn't go back once I saw they didn't work. They turned into new bad habits that I treated like good habits.

Time to redouble my efforts and return to the passion that I had for chipping away at that magic number. Time to up my exercise to more than once a week - maybe even for longer than 30 minutes at a time as well. Time to stop overanalyzing, and just fuckin' do it.

Summary:
Starting Weight: 237 lbs.
Weeks 1-23 Loss: 20 lbs.
Week 25 Loss: 1 lbs.
Current Weight: 216 lbs.

The Incredible Shrinking Ray - Week 25

2008-06-30T14:57:00.002-04:00

I did so well. I really did. I was close to losing another pound. But the queso dip at the party last night was REALLY good, and I'm certain I'm retaining water due to salt like I did with the fried rice. So today I'm up two pounds.

More motivation to lose weight - seeing myself on the screen when I did the commercial filming.

That's all I've got. Since next week's the halfway point, I might do something bigger.

Summary:
Starting Weight: 237 lbs.
Weeks 1-23 Loss: 22 lbs.
Week 25 GAIN: 2 lbs.
Current Weight: 217 lbs.

Things We Said Today

2008-06-27T11:31:00.004-04:00

Last night we filmed 15-second promos for the Improv Challenge. Here's the tale of that little adventure...

I'd been playing e-mail tag with Scott on setting up the time and place to film the commercials, and he realized our schedules wouldn't mesh during the week. And since it needed to be filmed in HD (break out the Clearasil!) and Scott didn't have the right equipment, he gave me the contact info for Joe, the videographer for City Block, and asked me to take it from there.

The promo pieces were an amalgam (love that word!) of bits written by Scott, Carol and myself - mostly Carol. I added a couple of lines in an effort to make it more comedic in nature, but otherwise is packed a lot of info into 15 seconds.

I spent Wednesday night writing the info onto cuecards. To save cash, and to make RedFaery's job of holding them a lot easier, I wrote each spot on one card where she could easily flip it. More on that later...

Thursday at lunch, I studied the words and went over them in my mind, counting off the seconds to make sure I could keep them under or at 15 seconds. Got the timing down pretty well. On the drive home, I read them out loud a few times each (yeah, I was driving and reading - I'm really good at it too!). I think I found a nice level of enthusiam without venturing into "monster truck show announcer" territory.

I pick up RedFaery and head to Joe's house/studio, right when a thunderstorm was rolling in. Wonderful - how many retake was I going to have to shoot due to God's sound effects, I wondered.

Joe was ready for me, and I stood in front of a green screen while he focused in on my head and upper chest - no since scaring folks off with my gut just yet! We decided that each scene we worked on would be one continuous take, and the garbage would be edited out later.

The good points: I think my enthusiam was dead-on perfect, my gestures weren't too wild and distracting, and I kept my eyes wide and expressive (unlike my normal squinting). I think there's enough there for Scott to work with.

The bad points: I'm appearently really bad at reading cuecards - watching my eyes bounce back and forth might be pretty distracting. I'd much rather be making it up as I go - which I will be during the actual show thankfully. Plus I forgot I had a blue pen in my shirt pocket, so there's this annoying blue spot on my chest. Hopefully whatever Scott puts in the background keeps everyone's focus off those negative things.

The funny thing: My effort to save cash and time nearly ruined things. RedFaery was underneath the camera's mic, and flipping the cards make a thunder-like noise - as if we didn't have enough of that to deal with. When she slowed down, I'd miss my cue line. But between her anticipation of the coming lines and me imprinting in my mind the website address (which was always the next line), we got it solved in a couple of minutes. I just hope we make a DVD with a blooper reel - my way of dealing with frustration without swearing involves rattling my head and hopping in place, and I had no choice but to laugh at watching myself!

Next week sometime the commercials will be done, and I'm going to YouTube them and link them everywhere I can think of. Last I knew we had several verbal commitments, but no written ones yet, which is frustrating. Maybe these spots will spur it on more.

The Incredible Shrinking Ray - Week 24

2008-06-23T11:38:00.002-04:00

I am happy to report that having my normal Bourbon Chicken with the steamed rice instead of fried rice prevented the huge jump in weight overnight. I'm once again a happy camper!

I don't know how much of an impact the switch to water over juice is going to be on my weight, but I already "feel" that it's better for me. I think the pound lost this week has more to do with the day I forgot to eat (previous entry) that any other changes I've made.

In totally unrelated news, I woke to find that George Carlin has passed, and I come into work to find that my boss' bother, a contractor that spearheaded a lot of the reconstruction at our offices over the year and genuinely nice guy, was killed in a car accident over the weekend. I'm unhappy today for both of those reasons, and they're both in my thoughts.

Summary:
Starting Weight: 237 lbs.
Weeks 1-23 Loss: 21 lbs.
Week 24 Loss: 1 lb.
Current Weight: 215 lbs.

I Forgot to Remember to Forget

2008-06-21T08:50:00.003-04:00

Yesterday I did something I haven't done in years.

I forgot to eat. All day.

I bet you're wondering how someone forgets to eat. Shouldn't there be signs that you're hungry? Well, lemme tell ya...

Thursday night I had dinner probably around 8pm or so as normal. Then off to bed. I wake up early and immediately pop down in front of the computer to pay my bills (since my pay was direct deposited). Also I've gotten addicted to a MMORPG called Fallen Sword - it's kind of like World of Warcraft for cheap bastards like me. So I spend all my before-work time slaying monsters and spending gold pieces (that's actually me referring to paying bills). I have just enough time left to shower and dress.

On my way to work, I think, "Crap, I forgot to get a bowl of cereal. Oh well, I'll try to pick up something at lunch."

Fridays are our busiest days, since it's deadline day and out books go to press. I was expecting to do two layouts, but fortunately wound up only doing one. But I had to also focus on finishing calculations on a contest I was running at work, beyond my normal tasks of making sure everyone was working and finishing their books.

My stomach did let me know that it wasn't happy at about 3pm, but I was in the middle of layout, and once you get in a grove you don't want to stop. By the time I'd finished layout, other managers were already leaving, so I had to wait until the last person was out the door (in case they needed help).

Sometime around then (maybe 6:30), RedFaery called to let me know she'd picked up chicken and it was waiting for me when I got home. At this point, it became a game - how long could I go without food?

The last person was out the door at 9pm, and I always stick around for another 20 minutes or so just in case a printer calls in about an error. Didn't happen, so out the door I went.

By this time, I really noticed a lot of interesting things about my body. Typically when I go too long without food, I begin to slur my words and get distracted. They're preludes to a hypoglycemic attack of some kind. However, I wasn't feeling that this time, and it seemed odd to me - I was watching for it the whole time.

However, I was giddy. Like I was tipsy. I rolled down the window and sing along with whatever came on the radio, having a great time! Nothing bothered me either - not even asshole drivers.

I get home and tell RedFaery about it, swaying slightly and giggling like a schoolgirl. She's obviously concerned but to her credit doesn't give me any hell - she just wants me to eat. I destroy five pieces of chicken that tasted REALLY GOOD, and moved on to a bowl of cereal when that wasn't enough. I was finishing a bottle of water when I finally felt full, and we headed to bed.

Before and after eating, the scale registered that I'd lost a pound. I'm sure that if I were stupid enough to do this on a regular basis I wouldn't lose much weight, since I'd be training my body to converse fuel. Nor do I have any plans to repeat this day.

But it sure was fun!

The Incredible Shrinking Ray - Week 23

2008-06-16T13:28:00.002-04:00

Everything I gained last week, I lost this week. That simple.

I've eaten more salad than Bugs Bunny. Fortunately many of them come with grilled and sliced chicken breast, so I can still labor under the illusion that I'm eating something of substance.

I did have a moment of revelation this weekend when in the grocery store, shopping for food for the week. These thoughts hit me all at once:
1. A couple of months ago, I told myself I'd start drinking water from the Britta pitcher, instead of buying endless supplies of bottled water. In reality, I haven't.
2. A couple of months ago, I told myself that I could drink diet versions of juices (cranapple, crangrape, cranrasberry, etc.) and it would be the same as water, but with more flavor.
3. A couple of months ago, I plateaued. Hmmmmmmm...

I made the decision then and there to give up all the fruit juices and go back to getting bottled water. I'm a creature of convenience, and it's just more convenient to grab a bottle of that from the refrigerator than pouring myself a glass and refilling the pitcher. I figure that I'll give it a month and see if I can get back to the regular "dropping a pound a week" schedule I used to have.

Summary:
Starting Weight: 237 lbs.
Weeks 1-22 Loss: 17 lbs.
Week 22 Loss: 4 lbs.
Current Weight: 216 lbs.

Alley Theater Improv Challenge press release

2008-06-13T23:12:00.001-04:00

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

June 10, 2008 Contact: Carol Dines--502 396-3154

*AMATEUR TEAMS INVITED TO PLAY IMPROV THEATER GAMES FOR CHARITY*

*The Alley Theater’s new TV and theatrical project is looking for teams *

From Second City in Chicago to Saturday Night Live to Drew Carey’s
“Whose Line is it Anyway”, improvisational theater has become a huge
force in American theatrical culture. Now, The Alley Theater is bringing
improvisational theater game play to Louisville, but with a unique
twist. They are calling for amateur teams to play in competition to
raise money for their favorite regional charities.

/The Alley Theater Improv Challenge/ is set to premier in late summer.
Produced in television game show format, the teams will try out their
improvisational talents before both a live audience and cameras taping
the 23 episodes to be aired on both the CW (WBKI) and YCS later in the
summer.

The Alley Theater is currently looking for companies who would like to
compete in /The Alley Theater Improv Challenge/. Teams will consist of 5
members with the option of having up to two alternate members as well.
Each team will elect a Captain who is responsible to come to the Improv
Challenge workshop for training on how the games work. It is important
that all participants understand that they will be entertaining a crowd
as well as competing to raise money for charity.

/The Alley Theater Improv Challenge/ will place teams against each other
in a double elimination bracket so that every team will play at least
two rounds (shows) before elimination. All teams must be willing to
commit to playing until they are eliminated, which could be as many as
23 episodes if they are the lucky winners.

With the advent of the many talent competitions like “American Idol” now
airing on network television, /The Alley Theater Improv Challenge/
brings that energy and excitement to Louisville with this innovative
theatrical production. Amateur actors, improv enthusiasts, and people
who just love to have fun are all invited to put a team together and
play for a deserving charity.

“In keeping with our mission to create cutting edge productions with a
broad audience appeal, The Alley Theater is excited to bring this unique
theatrical opportunity to Louisville. In cross promoting it with the
loyal TV audiences of the CW (WBKI) and YCS we feel we have a win-win
situation. It is also very important to us that a local charity will
also benefit from this innovative project as well,” says Scott Davis,
Producing Director for The Alley Theater.

The Alley Theatre, the only cabaret theater in Louisville, is starting
its 2nd season. In the works for fall are musicals, revues and original
comedies, professionally produced with signature flair and panache. The
shows are presented in a nightclub setting where the audience can sit
back and relax with a glass of wine.

For more information on how to register your team, go to
www.alleytheaterlouisville.com .
Registration for each team is $25.

Let'em In

2008-06-11T12:04:00.002-04:00

I am the most patient person in the world. I have no doubt about this anymore - especially after the "Saga of the Screen Door".

With our tax stimulus money, we decided it was time to get a new couch. Mostly because when I sat on the couch we had, I sunk so deep into it I could almost knee my forehead accidently.

So we headed to a couple of furniture stores, and found a great couch for cheap at Furniture Liquidators. We paid extra for delivery, mainly because it wouldn't fit in the back of my Ford Taurus.

RedFaery relayed the story or the delivery to me the following Monday. They pushed and held open our screen door with one hand, carrying the couch in at the same time. She offered to hold it back and out of their way, and as soon as they said "it's no problem", it became a problem when the door slammed on the couch leg - breaking a hole the size of a fist in the plexiglass.

o.O

The next few days I spend on the phone with the furniture store, trying to get the warehouse guy. When he finally deems it necessary to come to the phone (I get the impression the receptionist finally beat him over the head enough - she was getting tired of talking with me), he promised to send someone out to fix it.

The guy came out and got the frame with the broken plexiglass about a week after the accident. When we didn't hear anything for a couple of days, I called until I got him (we'll call him "Glassboy" from this point on). Glassboy said that no one makes that type of plexiglass window anymore, and asked if I'd settle for regular glass. Sure, fine, whatever.

A few days later (and after another phone call), I find out that Glassboy sent someone out to put it in, and he broke the glass. So now they have to start all over. And I wonder what kind of chimpanzees we're working with.

I give a few more days then call back, since they're not big on status reports. Glassboy explained that he was having a plexiglass window custom-made to fit, and it would be another day. That was a Friday.

When Monday rolled around and we still had no window in place, I called to find out the guy is now sick, but he's going to bring it over and install it after he drops his wife off at work.

About 4pm that Monday afternoon (three weeks after the initial breaking), he finally gets it installed. However it's not a perfect fit, so he had to shave some off and hammer it into place. As a result, now the screen door won't close.

This weekend I'll see what I can do to "percussion engineer" it into place (that means "beat it with a heavy object"). Shouldn't be too difficult, and at least I'm not dealing with Glassboy anymore.

Do You Want to Know a Secret?

2008-06-10T17:00:00.000-04:00

I've talked just slightly about an improv project I've been working on. I've not been too forthcoming with all the details, because I've not really known how much I should be talking about, since you never know who's reading and if they'll steal ideas. Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you - that sort of thing. I think we're finally to a point I can blog a little more about it (which if you know me I've been dying to do!)

Waaay back in January I read a simple line ad in LEO about auditions for actors, singers, writers, etc. for a new caberet-style theater. I was intrigued, because I can do all those things - plus being relatively new to the Louisville theatre scene, I didn't know where to begin to inserting myself. I reserved a time, I prepped a song and a monologue, and went and did my thing.

When my audition was over and I'd suitably impressed everyone (I DID get a role, after all!), I asked about the writing aspect of the ad that was posted. That's when one of the panel, Scott Davis, pulled me aside and started explaining more about this new theater, the Alley Theater. Scott, along with Carol Dines, had restarted this once-active theater now (formerly on Baxter Avenue, now in City Block) with the intention of doing all sorts of cabaret-style projects and trying innovative things with the space.

I saw my opportunity and took it. I brought up my experience with coordinating RASCAL Improv and my desire to get involved with a similar project. Scott indicated that they had designs along those lines further down the road, and he would definitely keep me in mind when that time came around. I left feeling like a superstar.

Fast-forward about 2 months. We're coming to the opening of "Blue Plate Special" and all is going well. During one of the breaks, I'm chatting with Scott and Carol, and Scott mentions that the improv idea he has is getting moved to the front burner. I renew my statement that I'd love to be a part of making it happen, just in case he'd forgotten. I guess he hadn't, because he gives me the skinny on his idea.

He wanted to take the skits that you'd see on "Who's Line Is It Anyway" and make a competition show out of it, with teams competing for charity. It's a pretty common notion in cities with a lot of improv groups (like LA, Chicago and New York), but in this case he wanted to persue local companies to form their own teams.

The rest of our rehearsal, I kept thinking about all the possibilities. I couldn't shake it. That night I wrote an outline of how I thought the show could be constructed, taking from game shows like Family Feud, the Match Game, the Gong Show and American Idol (yes, it's a game show!). I e-mailed the outline to both Scott and Carol and hoped that they didn't think I was trying to usurp their ideas and make them my own.

Fortunately they didn't. Scott replied that it was pretty much how they'd envisioned it, and he'd be getting in contact with me again when they finished the next production being put on at Alley. Since Scott was directing and starring in and promoting this one, his free-time was nothing. I'm nothing if not patient.

About April, when "The Bible: The Complete Word of God (Abridged)" wrapped, I wrote to see if there had been an update. Scott replied that they'd already been contacting some media outlets to see if they wanted to field teams, and had already met with some success. I gave him a few ideas of venues to chase he might not have thought of, such as Ohio Valley Wrestling. Hey, if anyone was going to be hilarious to watch, it would be these guys, right?

That's when I got the surprise of my life. Scott wrote and asked for help to cut the show down from it's hour-long format for stage production to a 30-minute version, as he was approaching the local TV station for a regular timeslot.

Television? Really??? Umm...wow!

That's a whole new level of intensity I've not experienced yet. Most of you know I've struggled with insecurities about moving into a more professional level of acting, and this was just another spice in the stew. But I've learned a few things to combat those issues in the last couple of months.

The first I've blantantly stolen from RedFaery - when she experiences fear in something, she researches the hell out of it, analyzes it to the nth degree, and draws comfort in that knowledge. That's pretty easy here to do here.

Second, I've learned to be comicly arrogant. I like grinning at my wife and a few friends and saying things like, "I'm gonna be a TV star!" It's an effective way to shunt the fear away and replace it with giggles.

So now we're going to make a TV show - filming two episodes at a time. I met with Scott and Carol over lunch, and we talked about everything. The new format, how the stage is going to be set up, the teams, contracts, promotion, logos, etc. I walk away certain we hammered out a lot of the details to make this into something special.

A week later, Scott tells me that not only are we set up on the cable access station, but the local CW affiliate as well. Now I'm gonna be a TV star on TWO stations! W00t!

Currently, we are in the process of writing the commercials to promote the show, and starting the real push to encourage companies to form teams. We need 16 teams in our double-elimination bracket, and getting the word out should like we plan should get the bracket filled in no time. I've written up promo pieces that Carol is revising and adding to, and most likely sometime next week we'll shoot them. Our first taping (still believe I'm saying that!) is tentatively scheduled for early August, so we're going to be moving fast!

And all I can hear in my head is the loud click-click-click of going up the first big hill on a rollercoaster...

I'll post the official press release here soon.

The Incredible Shrinking Ray - Week 22

2008-06-09T12:30:00.002-04:00

I've come to realize that while I love Chinese food, it's just not that into me...

I've been floating comfortably around 215 lbs all week, sometimes drifting up a pound. No big deal, other than that lack of forward movement I was hoping to see. I need to get to the gym more than once a week, and order smaller salads I guess.

Last night, we walked down to the Chinese restaurant. I got the relatively-healthy Bourbon Chicken, plus ate leftover rice from RedFaery's shrimp fried rice. Took all that to feel full, but it was still way less food that I used to eat from there.

This morning I'm at 220 lbs. I'm sure tomorrow it will have all passed thru my system and I'll drop at least 3 of those pounds, but I'm writing my update today, damnit!

So for my own good, I'm swearing off most Chinese foods for the time being. If Red's wanting some, I'll find something else to eat, or just have them package up some white rice for me instead. That's probably cheaper anyway.

Summary:
Starting Weight: 237 lbs.
Weeks 1-21 Loss: 22 lbs.
Week 22 GAIN: 5 lbs.
Current Weight: 220 lbs.

I Am the Walrus

2008-06-05T12:25:00.002-04:00

I went to the dentist today. This normally wouldn't be an interesting thing to blog about, but I honestly can't remember the last time I'd been to one. I know I went once between the time I got my wisdom teeth out (about 1991 or so) and now, but no idea when that was.

RedFaery's had a lot of dental work done. Between her autoimmune disorder leaching minerals and her asthma medication decaying her teeth, she's spent a lot of time there, and has made good use of our dental plan - so I've never felt like I've wasted money.

After hearing her stories of how well they've treated her, I decided to give it a try. After all, cleanings twice a year are no charge, and I was getting a sharp pain when drinking cold liquids.

I drove all the way back to Corydon for an 8am appointment (yawn!). As usual, I missed several things on my paperwork, like putting down my signature. I almost told them to sign it for me - after all, no one can read my writing anyway, so no one would know better.

Back i go in the tilting chair and taking x-rays; I love the taste of cardboard in the morning. This is when I first notice that half of the dental assistants there were named Krissy, or Chrissy. I have to wonder if this a requirement for the job.

As Krissy (with a K) pokes my gums with a sharp metal stick, and I ponder old Bill Cosby comedy routines, she tells me that because of the build up, she has to use a waterblaster. Think "sandblaster" - same principle.

As water spits up out of my mouth, I'm occaisionally squeezing the armrests of the chair when she hits sensitive areas. You know that pain that travels down your back into your right butt cheek, making your toes involuntarily curl? No? Maybe it's just me then.

Next she moves in with the metal hook, which surprising wasn't all that bad after experiencing water lasers of death. A few heavy scrapes and she was done.

Next came the polish. Krissy was a master with the little spinning thing. I remember back in the old days when the dental assistants would dip and polish, dip and polish, etc. Krissy would dip, smear the polish on several teeth, THEN polish each of those teeth. I get the world's first Tooth Ninja on my choppers!

While polishing, Krissy starts numbering my molars that have fillings to another dental assistant (another Krissy probably). As she calls out 13, 8, 3, 7, I keep expecting someone to yell out "Bingo!" I would have for comedy purposes, but with my mouth full of ladyfingers, it would have probably sounded like "Galglah!", so I passed.

Finally the dentist comes in and pokes around for a couple of minutes, declares that I have no cavities and tells me to floss more and use toothpaste for sensitive teeth, and leaves. I swear, that's gotta be the easiest job in the world! Wear white outfits, have everyone respect you and call you doctor, and surrounded by Krissys all day long!

I opt for the floride treatment, since I had money in the bank. I secretly believe there's a hidden camera somewhere in the room taking pictures of these orange things hanging out of my mouth, so they can pull them up and laugh later.

Finally I'm done. I pay Chrissy (with a C) for the floride treatment and head to work. Can't eat for half an hour, so the drive there is long enough to stop into McDonalds in an effort to returning plaque to my now-naked teeth.

I wonder how many pounds of plaque was knocked off? Can't wait to weigh myself and see!

The Incredible Shrinking Ray - Week 21

2008-06-03T13:47:00.002-04:00

For such an active week, there wasn't much of a weight lost this time around. Bummer. However, at least it's going in the right direction again.

Managed to get to the gym a couple of times, back to my old friend "Mr. Elliptical Machine". I burn about 350 calories after 30 minutes on a regular basis, all while enjoying "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?" on the little flat-screen monitor attached to it.

Sunday we walked around the Eminence, KY renn faire in 80 degree heat for about 4 hours. Any progress made that day was probably shot to hell by the pizza eaten that night at the wrestling PPV.

Seems like I've had more salad than ever this week alone.

Summary:
Starting Weight: 237 lbs.
Weeks 1-18 Loss: 21 lbs.
Week 19 Loss: 1 lb.
Current Weight: 215 lbs.

Soldier of Love

2008-05-29T16:17:00.004-04:00

http://www.fallensword.com/?ref=1734479

That's an interesting little online D&D-lite game. Technically a MMORPG, very low-tech and free. If you join and play using my link (just cut and paste into your browser), I get bonuses.

I Wanna Be Your Man

2008-05-27T14:08:00.002-04:00

On MSN today, there was an article taken from Esquire Magazine listing and explaining "75 Skills Every Man Should Know". I read it to see how I measured up. I'll list the 75 steps here, and add my own two pennies where needed - and who knows, maybe add a few more!

(the steps in boldface, my thoughts in normal print)

A Man Should Be Able To:

1. Give advice that matters in one sentence. I like this first rule of thumb! Let me add to it "Understand that some are prone to ignore said advice."
2. Tell if someone is lying. I'm an actor - lying is my business. What I'll add is "Know when to call out that lie, and when to let it slide."
3. Take a photo. I can take a photo - it's these damn digital cameras I can't figure out!
4. Score a baseball game. Every time a person crosses home plate, the score goes up by one. Is it more complicated than that?
5. Name a book that matters. "To Kill A Mockingbird" - one of my favorites!
6. Know at least one musical group as well as is possible. My love of the Beatles is legend!
7. Cook meat somewhere other than the grill. Technically, the Foreman Grill is a griddle. I can make a foil pack too!
8. Not monopolize the conversation. I honestly don't talk enough in a conversation.
9. Write a letter. Add the word "effective", and it's a better point.
10. Buy a suit. I'm going to do just that in a couple of weeks, so I don't look like a slob on TV.
11. Swim three different strokes. I got the merit badge, as well as lifeguard certification - crawl, backstroke, breaststroke, sidestroke...
12. Show respect without being a suck-up. This isn't difficult, and actually is aided by #8.
13. Throw a punch. I've never gotten into a fight in my adult life, so I don't know if I truly can. I think I'm a better man for not putting myself in these situations.
14. Chop down a tree. Worked with a tree service for a year - never cut down a tree myself, but I know how from watching.
15. Calculate square footage. I do it all the time at work, determining how big the ad space is - length times width.
16. Tie a bow tie. Ummm, no. A standard business tie (a faux Windsor) I think is more important.
17. Make one drink, in large batches, very well. Half whiskey, half Coke - done!
18. Speak a foreign language. Does Klingon count?
19. Approach a woman out of his league. Didn't need to - they approached me! (Hi, dear!)
20. Sew a button. I can, but never do. If the button popped off, the clothes don't fit anymore!
21. Argue with a European without getting xenophobic or insulting soccer. WTF? Like I have need to argue with Europeans on any kind of regular basis! Listen to what they have to say first - they may have a good point!
22. Give a woman an orgasm so that he doesn't have to ask after it. Any comments I make may make a regular reader of my blog and/or me blush...
23. Be loyal. One of the 12 Scouting laws that I still follow to this day.
24. Know his poison, without standing there, pondering like a dope. Shot of Patron, chilled.
25. Drive an eightpenny nail into a treated two-by-four without thinking about it. I have the coordination of a drunk monkey, so I AM going to think about it.
26. Cast a fishing rod without shrieking or sighing or otherwise admitting defeat. No problem.
27. Play gin with an old guy. How about rummy instead?
28. Play go fish with a kid. I don't have any sixes, kid. Tough shit!
29. Understand quantum physics well enough that he can accept that a quarter might, at some point, pass straight through the table when dropped. Isn't that more like "theoretical physics"?
30. Feign interest. I'm sorry, did you say something?
31. Make a bed. I'll go you one better - I can make a waterbed! Now THAT'S a challenge!
32. Describe a glass of wine in one sentence without using the terms nutty, fruity, oaky, finish, or kick. I guess "makes me barfy" isn't technically a sentence...
33. Hit a jump shot in pool. I'm lucky to hit the cueball!
34. Dress a wound. Yep, got that merit badge too. Most people forget to elevate the wound.
35. Jump-start a car (without any drama). Change a flat tire (safely). Change the oil (once). Two out of three ain't bad - oil I leave to the experts.
36. Make three different bets at a craps table. I don't like games of chance when betting real money. I'd rather play games I have a modicum of control over, like Blackjack or Texas Hold'em.
37. Shuffle a deck of cards. I finally learned how to do so about five years ago.
38. Tell a joke. I prefer the story jokes where you never see the punchline coming.
39. Know when to split his cards in blackjack. Aces and Eights always, never on Faces. The rest of them, you have to consider what the dealer is showing.
40. Speak to an eight-year-old so he will hear. I don't whip out the "authority voice" very often, but I'm decent with kids.
41. Speak to a waiter so he will hear. I'm a mumbler, so I've gotta work on this.
42. Talk to a dog so it will hear. That's a GOOD boy...
43. Install: a disposal, an electronic thermostat, or a lighting fixture without asking for help. I've installed two electronic thermostats in the last two years, I'll be installing a ceiling fan/light soon, but how many disposals NEED to be installed?
44. Ask for help. Last resort.
45. Break another man's grip on his wrist. Kick him in the nads, hard!
46. Tell a woman's dress size. Not touching that one, ever! That's akin to guessing her weight or age.
47. Recite one poem from memory. Oh pointy bird; oh pointy pointy; Annoint my head; Annointy, nointy.
48. Remove a stain. Wash it - duh!
49. Say no. Only when I need to make a point.
50. Fry an egg sunny-side up. RedFaery prefers scrambled, me over hard.
51. Build a campfire. Again, I'm an Eagle Scout. I can build many varieties of campfires!
52. Step into a job no one wants to do. I'm a middle manager; what do YOU think?
53. Sometimes, kick some ass. Last resort.
54. Break up a fight. Hose.
55. Point to the north at any time. I pointed north out to my dad just yesterday.
56. Create a play-list in which ten seemingly random songs provide a secret message to one person. WTF? How about just creating a playlist of good music instead?
57. Explain what a light-year is. How far light travels in a year, Mr. Spock.
58. Avoid boredom. Blog!
59. Write a thank-you note. Dear you, Thanks, signed Me
60. Be brand loyal to at least one product. Crest toothpaste has never let me down.
61. Cook bacon. Fried is better
62. Hold a baby. Scruff of neck.
63. Deliver a eulogy. Fortunately I've never had the opportunity.
64. Know that Christopher Columbus was a son of a bitch. Ok, wow. I know what the author was getting at, but is this REALLY in the top 75?
65-67. Throw a baseball over-hand with some snap. Throw a football with a tight spiral. Shoot a 12-foot jump shot reliably. The reason I got into theatre is because I suck at sports. That's never changed, nor do I expect it to with practice.
68. Find his way out of the woods if lost. Pay attention to everything - it's not hard.
69. Tie a knot. Square, bowline, sheepshank - hello, Eagle Scout here!
70. Shake hands. More guys need to remember that it's not a visegrip contest.
71. Iron a shirt. It's harder than it looks, but not difficult.
72. Stock an emergency bag for the car. I really ought to do this...
73. Caress a woman's neck. I practice daily. :)
74. Know some birds. Cardinal, robin, sparrow, etc. Helps when your mom is into this stuff.
75. Negotiate a better price. My last car purchase went very well, I think! Just gotta do your homework before stumbling in.

So according to this list, I have a little homework to do (can't or won't do 16 items on it). I think there are a couple more that could be added.

76. Learn how to sing at least one song really well. My singing is what got RedFaery's attention initially, so I consider it a useful skill.
77. Learn how to make your point known without being overbearing about it. That's how Red and I rarely fight.
78. Make time for family. Still learning how to do this myself, but I consider it much more important than #64 above!
79. A buffet is NOT a challenge!
80. Pretend everything you say and do is being watched by everyone important to you, and act accordingly. Because it is!

Maybe you can find a gem or two on this list. At the very least, I hope it was entertaining!

The Incredible Shrinking Ray - Week 20

2008-05-27T11:04:00.002-04:00

The sickness I had earlier this week really made me apathetic to watching my weight. When you're feeling like crap, ordering pizza for delivery so you don't have to go anywhere is one of life's simple joys. Needless to say, I "fed the cold" a lot.

We finally got to the gym for the first time. RedFaery lasted longer than either one of us thought she would - about 20 minutes total between the elipital and the treadmill. I spent 30 minutes on the eliptical myself, surprised than the first 15 minutes were pretty effortless. Half of the machines at Fitness 19 have flatscreen TVs on them, and you just need to bring headphones to plug in. We'll probably go again tonight - if Red's feeling poorly after having blood drawn today and going to an interview, I'll probably go by myself.

Memorial Day we throw kabobs on the grill and had a ton of goulash. This time I ate like crazy simply because the food turned out so tasty! Fortunately, most of it was healthy, so even in massive quantities it wasn't too bad to my system (at least that's what I keep telling myself, HA!). The leftover uncooked meat and vegies I stir-fryed and refrigerated - should make for a good series of snacks throughout the week.

As expected, I gained a lot over this week. I'm happy to say that, while my weight did go all the way back up to 221 lbs at one point, it was only 216 lbs this morning. Considering how this week went, I'm considering myself pretty lucky!

Summary:
Starting Weight: 237 lbs.
Weeks 1-18 Loss: 23 lbs.
Week 19 GAIN: 2 lbs.
Current Weight: 216 lbs.

Take Good Care of My Baby

2008-05-21T11:05:00.002-04:00

I hate being sick. Not that I know anyone that enjoys it, but I just thought that was important to say.

It started over the weekend - the painful scratchy throat that kept me up at night, the coughing, and eventually the stuffy head and fatigue. I gutted through Monday because there were sales managers coming in for training, but I was plenty spent by that night. Tuesday morning, the "hit by a Mack truck" feeling was there, so I called in sick.

After laying around with an equally sick RedFaery most of the morning, we went to Wal-Mart for drugs and an oil change. Now that we have a new couch, it was time for new curtains in the front room to brighten it up a bit. When we got home, I felt a little stronger, so decided to hang them as well.

While the undercurtains, filled with cat hair, were getting washed, I hung the rods and the new draperies. This required a fun combination of furniture moving, stepstool climbing, and hole drilling. Fortunately, it looked pretty good when completed. And all the time I'm thinking, "Maybe I could have gone into work today - I'm holding up ok!"

Then the crash. Thank God the couch is new - the old couch was hard enough to get out of due to the springs being sprung; I can't imagine trying to do the same with no energy at all!

Today the cough is still there, being kept at bay with enough water to drown fish. There's a little more energy, so I'm pretty sure I'm not contageous anymore. Which is good, as I'm certain I actually picked up the bug at work.

Yellow Submarine

2008-05-19T11:48:00.002-04:00

(I'll freely admit I'm simply posting this so I had a reason to use "Yellow Submarine" as the blog title. I'm giggling like a schoolgirl over it!)

Me: Give me a footlong Philly Cheesesteak sub on honey oat and wheat bread.
Sandwich Artist: Do you want cheese on that?

o.O

What I should have said:
What part of "cheesesteak" do you not understand? Of course I want cheese on my cheesesteak, otherwise it's a steak sandwich, you twit! Or are you taking the job title "Sandwich 'Artist'" a little too literally and implementing some creative expression with your role? I seriously doubt that's the case from the look of you. Look, I know you've got a shitty job and your brain is probably on autopilot, but you need to inject a little common sense into your mundane tasks so that your mind doesn't get permanently stuck in 1st gear. Now make it pepperjack, and make it snappy!

What I actually said:
Yes, please.

*sigh*

The Incredible Shrinking Ray - Week 19

2008-05-19T11:37:00.003-04:00

Probably the biggest news of the week is that RedFaery and I finally got a new gym membership. About 5 miles from my work is a new Fitness 19 workout center. This is good, because we can go together some mornings to work out, then she can drop me off at work and head home/out on chores, then pick me up at the end of the day. Until she gets a new job lined up anyway - otherwise we can go after work during the week. The hours are very accomodating to our needs.

It's not a huge gym like Gold's, but it has everything you need (except shower facilities sadly). And with their grand opening special, I paid about $150 up front, and we only pay $12 each monthly! That's cheaper than my City of Heroes membership! The other awesome thing is that we're not locked into a contract - it's a pay-as-you-go deal. If we ever want to quit, we just give them 30 days notice to stop the auto-withdrawl.

Otherwise quite an unremarkable week in my weightloss - I went up, I came back down, and ultimately no change. The one thing I've been lacking for a while now is steady exercise, so maybe I can start with the forward movement again soon!

Summary:
Starting Weight: 237 lbs.
Weeks 1-18 Loss: 23 lbs.
Week 19 Loss: 0 lbs.
Current Weight: 214 lbs.

You've Got to Hide Your Love Away

2008-05-14T15:45:00.002-04:00

Regular readers may remember my excitement about the chance to pay Tevye in "Fiddler on the Roof" at the little local Corydon theatre I've done many shows at before moving to Louisville. Irregular readers may want to look for that entry about two months back...

Monday was the auditions. I hurried home and picked up RedFaery. I warned her to eat, cause I figured we'd be there for an hour and a half, plus I had her bring me a peanut butter sandwich to keep my hunger at bay. We'd planned on hitting one of our favorite little restaurants afterward.

We got there plenty early, and I filled out the necessary forms, plus attached my resume (almost like I'm a professional, huh?). RedFaery pointed out that I still had my weight listed at 240 lbs, so I happily scratched it out and wrote "215" instead.

Now a typical audition for a musical at Hayswood Theatre involves getting the littlest children to do their singing and reading done first, so they can get home in time for bed. Then the adults sing their prepared songs, then do cold readings. Simple, no?

They started out with the kids doing their thing. Lots of kids, so this took a while. Then they started having some of the adults sing. Hmm, ok.

They suddenly stopped with the adults (before getting to me) and had everyone learn a couple of the songs to sing as a group. Ummm, what? Why? What can be learned about the people auditioning by doing that? Who's loudest?

Next, the choreographer works with the little kids on dance steps. As expected, that was like herding cats. Fortunately that didn't take too long, and the kids were dismissed.

We finally get back to the prepared songs, and I finally get to sing. Since Tevye's a baritone role, I chose a lower range song I did at a high school singing contest, "When I Have Sung My Songs". Well received by the crowd and directors, and I'm happy with how I did. They also had me sing the first verse of "If I Were a Rich Man". The directors weren't paying very close attention, and I got to sing more of the song than the others auditioning for Tevye - including the part were he sings the quacking and honking of the ducks and geese. When they heard the laughter from the onlookers, they realized they'd let me go long and said, "That's good, thanks." SCORE!

Next was more group singing, this time older men and older women doing "Sunrise, Sunset". I'm confused as hell.

Now we get to learn choreography. I'm guessing they wanted to see how how we pick up on it - which is great if the choreographer actually takes more than a moment to watch instead of instruct. I'm not the best dancer, but I held my own.

As I return to my seat, RedFaery wonders to me how much longer. It's only then do I find out we've been there two hours, and we haven't even gotten to the reading yet! All the disorganization between two directors, a music director and a choreographer fighting to get their time in running the audition was causing the process to drag on.

In what I'm sure was a pure "diva moment", I decided I was done. RedFaery is always fine with being used as an excuse, so I pulled the director aside and said I needed to get some food in her. She wanted to know if I could come back tomorrow, and I said basically, "No, but you know what I can do on stage, right?" She understood, and off we went. Maybe I shot myself in the foot - but I honestly didn't (and don't) care.

As expected, the restaurant was closed, so we went to a favorite fast food place instead. RedFaery had never been to an audition at Hayswood, and she asked, "Is that how it normally is?" That touched off an hour-long rant of mine about how that was a disorganized mess, and that if rehearsals were run like the audition, maybe it wouldn't be in my best interest to NOT be in this show. Considering how much I want to play Tevye, that's something coming from me!

Today, I get the call from the main director on my voice mail. Despite knowing I was auditioning only for Tevye, they offered me Mordcha in Innkeeper. It's an awesome role, but when you combine my Monday night experience with the long drive, and my selfish desire to play the role I've been pining after for 2/3 of my life, it was an easy decision. And as many of my acting friends have already told me, I've got a shot at that role for the next 20-30 years. I'm a patient man.

Plus, it doesn't hurt to find out that the improv project I've been working on is now on the front burner, and will be televised on a local station. But that's another, future blog entry...

The Incredible Shrinking Ray - Week 18

2008-05-12T11:00:00.002-04:00

Hello, my name is Ray, and I'm a food addict.

(Hello Ray!)

I had a moment of realization this weekend that drove it home very harshly. RedFaery and I ate at Applebee's on the drive to her mother's home in Michigan on Saturday. I ordered the Trio meal they've got now, and got boneless buffalo wings, mini cheeseburgers and mini chicken sandwiches. I even loaded the sandwiches with lettuce and tomato for more healthy crap.

I ate both the little burgers, one of the little chicken sandwiches, and 2/3 of the wings, and I was full. In fact, I'd probably eaten slightly more than I needed. My stomach was saying "No mas!" (I don't know why it was speaking Spanish - I didn't ask).

But I wanted to keep eating. I stared at the leftover food. I pushed it away and covered it with a napkin, and my hand trembled. When the waiter came by and asked if we wanted a box, RedFaery answered "No" for me. He took the plate and I broke out into a sweat. I lost the opportunity to continue cramming the lovely taste of vinegar and ranch dressing into my mouth, and I dwelled on that for an hour afterward. As I type this, I'm salavating.

I've had my ups and downs with my weight since starting this in January, and it's never remotely bothered me. I've always realized that it was going to come in it's own time, so long as more times than not I took the intelligent route when it came to eating choices. However, this was the first time I'd gotten truely MAD and EMBARASSED at myself. I don't like it, not one bit.

I've had a couple of days to think about it, and I've gotten over it for the most part. I did the right thing and I'm proud of that. I was caught unaware, and shouldn't be again. Next time, when that addiction rears it's ugly head, I now have a reference point to be prepared for how I'm going to feel about it, and I'll take it more in stride. If there's one thing I value more than tasty food, it's my composure and dignity.

With all that said, I happily hit a new low this Friday with 212 lbs! And despite the lavish meals RedFaery's family made over the weekend (fresh fried bass Saturday night, and jerk chicken Sunday - all very good!), I only gained 2 of those pounds back as of this morning. I think that's a fair trade.

Summary:
Starting Weight: 237 lbs.
Weeks 1-17 Loss: 21 lbs.
Week 18 Loss: 2 lbs.
Current Weight: 214 lbs.

Mr. Moonlight

2008-05-08T16:28:00.002-04:00

http://blog.wired.com/wiredscience/2008/05/nasa-offers-500.html

For those that don't want to click, it's basically a report stating that NASA wants to pay $5,000 per month to have people stay in bed in their controlled environment in Houston for 90 days. Your feet will be slightly elevated, and you can only sleep for eight of the hours of the day. The rest of time, you'll basically be lying there unless they get you up to run a test on you.

I would SO do that! I'm very skilled at doing nothing!

However, I think my current job would seriously object to me not coming in for three months. Plus I'm certain that I won't pass the physical - you've got to meet Air Force standards, and I seriously doubt I even meet UPS standards. Then there's whole "living in Kentucky and not Texas" thing.

Finally, I think RedFaery would kill me. Or insist on a queen-size matress and join me. I honestly don't know...

The Incredible Shrinking Ray - Week 17

2008-05-05T10:35:00.002-04:00

I noticed last week that I only seem to gain on the weekends. I tried to take that into consideration - I concentrated on eating smarter, plus added a couple of simple workouts and stayed active.

The result - I still gained, just not as much.

It was under control as of Sunday morning, as usual. I'm beginning to worry that my occaisional Japanese hibatchi is a contributing factor. More likely the culprit is not getting much sleep Sunday night - I always have a problem with that. Sadly, I don't think that's going to change much.

However, as long as at the end of it all I've still dropped, even slightly like this week, I'm not going to worry too much.

Summary:
Starting Weight: 237 lbs.
Weeks 1-16 Loss: 20 lbs.
Week 16 Loss: 1 lb.
Current Weight: 216 lbs.

I Don't Want to Spoil the Party

2008-05-03T09:42:00.005-04:00

This is our first Derby weekend living in Louisville. While the festivities officially started three weeks ago with Thunder Over Louisville, and over fifty other events around town leading up to a two-minute horse race, the only one I had any concern over are the races themselves, since we live about a mile or so from Churchill Downs. What will this day bring? Here is my diary of the weekend:

Friday morning - As I leave for work at 10am, the cars are streaming towards the track (Friday is the Kentucky Oaks - just as big of a party day). Fortunately I am going the opposite direction, so they aren't slowing me down. The local Catholic church has people dancing around with signs promising "$3, parking, concessions, and shuttle to the track". Probably easier money than bingo, so I don't blame them.

Friday evening - The drive home (about 9:30pm) is also uneventful. All the little hole-in-the-wall bars along the way seem to be packed with people - most have even set up big tents to get attention, and to have a place to smoke, since you're not supposed to smoke inside businesses in Kentucky. Should be interesting if we decide to go karaoking tomorrow night - there's usually only a dozen people when we start off. Special note: it rained all day, and I'm thrilled I didn't go to the track.

Saturday morning, 9:30am - It's Derby day. The only way I'd know it right now from the comfort of my own home is the constant stream of helicopters flying around overhead. I'm sure that's nothing more than traffic reporters. I do hope to see a blimp at some point today - blimps rock!

1:00pm - We head the opposite direction for lunch at Texas Roadhouse (which I always find funny that this chain started in Clarksville, IN). It's not very busy at all. The waitress asks us if we're heading to the track today, and we tell her that we live so close, we just wanted to get away from the sounds. She doesn't quite get it, and says, "They're doing a lot on the waterfront too!" I reply, "Good, can't hear that from the house!"

5:00pm - After watching some of our pre-recorded programs and relaxing on the couch, I decide to fire up the grill to cook some Italian sausage. With helicopters still circling our house, I keep telling myself "You're doing nothing wrong! They're not after you!" Reminder to refill my Thorazine...

6:15pm - We flip thru channels and happen to catch the actual race. Can't remember who won, because RedFaery and I were too saddened to think about anything other than the horse that broke it's ankles and had to be euthenized on the spot.

7:00pm - We decided to walk two blocks to Wendy's for a couple of small Frostys. As we passed thru the grocery store's parking lot on the way, all I see are traffic jams and trash. The temperature had dropped about 20 degrees, and the drunk partygoers were chilly. One couple stumbled by us wrapped in what looked like an "emergency blanket" - a sheet of tinfoil for those that weren't Scouts or military.
Wendy's was only moderately busy, with many people from the track. Mostly college age kids that probably yelled "WOOO!" a lot and lifted their tops at the track. They looked like hell. We got our Frostys to go.
As we were almost home, we spotted a driver that passed in front of us that shouldn't be behind the wheel (and I praise myself for having the foresight to move my car off the street and into the driveway). He had red splotchy skin, bulging eyes, and his head was reared all the way back to keep it upright. Despite how dangerous he was behind the wheel, we could do nothing but laugh at the sight!

9:00pm - RedFaery finally had enough strength back to try karaoke, so we walk down to the bar. As expected, it was busy. But it was also uncomfortably loud and rowdy - so maybe next week.

In summary, our first Derby Day wasn't too bad. Not much traffic actually walking by our house, so that's good. I'm sure the trash is still out there, so that's a strike against it. Sad that I didn't get to see a blimp. Maybe someday we'll actually go to the race.

Octopus's Garden

2008-04-30T15:39:00.002-04:00

Yesterday was RedFaery and my first 2nd anniversary. For those that can't follow that illogical statement, we were married twice - once on April 29th, 2006 (for the purposes of getting RedFaery on my insurance), and once on September 17th that same year (for all the pomp, circumstance and free toaster ovens). So we celebrate twice a year as well - in April just for ourselves, and in September for all the well-wishes, cards and free toaster ovens.

As I sat at the computer checking e-mail that morning, I wondered what we could do to make it interesting. I remembered that I'd just gotten my annual renewing of vacation time at work, so I decided to take the day off. With all her health scares lately, she really needed a day of my complete attention that was completely unplanned. After confirming with her that she's like that, and confirming with work that I wasn't needed, the day was ours! Then out of the blue, I said, "Want to go to the Aquarium?"

The Newport Aquarium near Cincinnati is someplace I'd been telling RedFaery that she needed to see sometime, since she enjoys aquariums and had never been. Plus it was indoors, and we weren't going to be able to do much outside anyway due to it being chilly. The only real concern was whether she would have the energy to walk a lot, but she was game to try.

After an early lunch, we drove the 2 hours to Newport, spending an extra few minutes on a wrong turn into Ohio and back again. It was the perfect day to go - virtually no kids, very small crowd (mostly a company doing a team building exercise with it's employees), and no pressures. We walked at a leisurely pace, spending more time in favorite sections.

Newport is one of those aquariums with the acrylic glass tunnels, where the fish swam all around you and give you the illusion of being underwater. More than once a manta ray startled RedFaery by swimming next to her, much to my amusement. I was even at my punny worst when looking at an eel, singing in Italian:
"When it's long, and it's green,
And it looks really mean -
That's a moray!"

We found out that sharks eat better than us (lobster three times a week!). We watched otters get into a fistfight over food. We enjoyed the penguin jumping contest. We avoided the horseshoe crab and baby shark petting area as a team. Great fun!

A couple of hours of walking was all she could manage for the day, so we headed back home. Ended our evening at Ramsi's cafe, where RedFaery tried something new (something she rarely does). She had the Moosa Kan, which is basically chicken that marinated in a berry that turned it purple, with lemon and pepper seasoning. I decided to forego my favorite Majestic Seabass to try BBQ mango salmon patties - a tasty change.

Then we splurged on Frosties from Wendy's and watched CSI. High class all the way!

The Incredible Shrinking Ray - Week 16

2008-04-28T13:12:00.002-04:00

I really should update this thing on Fridays. That's when I seem to be at my best when it comes to my weight.

On Friday morning, I was back to 213 lbs. This morning - 217 lbs.

I'll admit being very sedintary this weekend - other than mowing the grass for an hour, I napped, or sat on the sofa, or ate. And nothing else.

I'm going to force myself to start jogging in the early morning hours, since we have light as early at 7:30am these days.

Summary:
Starting Weight: 237 lbs.
Weeks 1-14 Loss: 22 lbs.
Week 16 GAIN: 2 lbs.
Current Weight: 217 lbs.

Dr. Robert

2008-04-24T11:15:00.001-04:00

Most of you probably know to keep Benadryl handy for emergencies - this is just a reminder of how it's important, as well as just simple bragging on my wife for her clear-headed thinking in a crisis.

RedFaery has a myriad of medical problems, and the biggest hinderance often seems to be her allergies to various medicines. She's allergic to penecillian and all derivitives, sulfas, and non-steroidal anti-inflamatories (aspirin and ibuprofin). So when she has a really bad headache, all she can take is Tylenol, which does little.

Earlier in the day, she went to an immediate care center for a chronic headache she's fought for a month. She got a steroid anti-inflammatory, plus a prescription for Avalox (antibiotic) for her congestion. A couple of hours later she filled the prescription and took one.

Ten minutes later, she flushed and her lips tingled. She recognized that it was an allergic reaction (been thru them many times, considering the checklist above), and immediately took a Benedryl. As she sat there for a minute, she realized that her breathing was becoming labored, and she stumbled to the phone to call 911. She managed to confirm the address, tell them she couldn't breathe, and unlock the door before dropping the phone and passing out.

She remembers bits and pieces of the EMTs and the ambulance, and it took an entire respiratory team at the hospital to bring her around. Once she was stable and coherent again, the doctor told her that taking the Benadryl probably kept her alive until the EMTs arrived.

My wife is the strongest person I know, but if it weren't for that one little pill, I wouldn't have her anymore. I encourage everyone to consider keeping Benadryl handy - it's just a good idea.

Happiness is a Warm Gun

2008-04-23T17:25:00.004-04:00

One of the chat sites I surf asked for examples of computer pranks we've played on people of the years. That got me reminicing about one I played ten years ago...

When working for a family-owned newspaper, I managed almost everything - including tech support (which mainly involved me calling people that had answers, but I disgress). My dad sent me this nifty little program online that made your cursor a crosshair, and clicking the mouse caused the computer to emit a rifle sound and produce a "hole" in the screen.

I installed it on the owner's computer (whom shall be refered to as Medusa from this point on), and left it running untouched. She'd come in once a week to look important to the rest of us and spend her time there daytrading on her PC.

A couple of days later, I hear KABOOM! KABOOM! KABOOM!, and then my name at the top of her lungs. I come into her office and Medusa glares at me stonily and asks, "What did you put on here?"

With my best acting skills, I reply "What are you talking about?", then she shows me where she blew a hole in her internet icon. I shoo her out of the seat, shoot a few more icons out of existance, then make a big show of being puzzled. She's not convinced however - but a true bullshit artist never gives up!

"Have you been to any daytrading sites in the last week?" I ask, which derails her for a minute. "Um, yes, why?" I press on, sensing weakness - "Last week all those site were hit with the Going Postal virus - and it does pretty much what your cursor is doing now."

"What does it do?" she timidly asks. Hook, line and sinker...

"It was featured on page six of the Wall Street Journal last Friday. Basically every icon you click on, it erases that program from your computer. Worse yet, it physically damages the hard drive to the point that no data is recoverable. You'll have to buy a new computer, I'm afraid."

Only after much freaking out on her part did I finally let her in on the joke - it could be turned off by holding down CTRL and hitting the Escape key. Medusa wanted to throttle me, but even she eventually laughed at the joke.

Turns out, however, that it was probably truer than I thought after reading this link: http://www.2-spyware.com/file-postal-exe.html

Ahh well, she deserved it.

We Can Work It Out

2008-04-23T11:45:00.002-04:00

Since this is a public blog, so I won't go into a lot of detail.

Yesterday we laid off three people in my department due to the recession. I hated it, because I'd always been proud that we never had to before now, but it's obvious that the next few months are going slow down.

The one thing I'm proud of my company for doing is offering generous severence packages for those that were let go, and are helping in every way with getting them on unemployment. In that respect, we're doing right by them.

It still sucks though. I'm going to be paying really close attention to all politicians on their plans to end the recession, and the one that has the most effective, believable plan gets my vote - regardless of my opinion of that person in general.

The Incredible Shrinking Ray - Week 15

2008-04-21T12:32:00.002-04:00

Slowly I lose, pound by pound, inch by inch...

That's what it seemed like this last week. After my big unexplained weight jump last week, I pretty much looked at my weight every morning. And one by one, the pounds dropped off again. Water-weight, probably. Annoying, definitely. Still not completely back to where I was before the big jump - I keep fluctuating between 214 and 215.

Didn't really do much different otherwise. Continuing to think about my dining choices, still trying to eat smarter, and still haven't done much for exercise other than an occaisional walk.

Summary:
Starting Weight: 237 lbs.
Weeks 1-14 Loss: 16 lbs.
Week 15 loss: 6 lbs.
Current Weight: 215 lbs.

Magical Mystery Tour

2008-04-18T10:55:00.002-04:00

It's been an interesting couple of days...

Wednesday night as I'm leaving work, I'm on the phone with RedFaery making dinner plans when I smell the most horrible smell. Kind of a blend of burning tires and 3-day old decomposing body (I'm guessing here). I pass by a professional lawn mower riding behind his machine on that rolling surfboard thing - something I've always envied cause it looks like fun - and hope that the smell is coming from it.

A few seconds later, smoke starts rolling out of my defrost vents into the car. Oy! I've known that the blower motor has been bad on my Taurus since I bought it last June, but up to a week ago it still worked on the high setting. It had stopped, and I was going to get it replaced after the next bonus check, but I never turned it off - oops!

I drive to the Ford dealership/servicecenter and leave it to be worked on the next day, and RedFaery picked me up and went out to eat. I'd already called into work to take a personal day, expecting the repairs to take a while.

Just for the motor and a new flashing to prevent water from dripping onto it (the reason it went out to begin with) was $500. And as usual, they found a myriad of other problems they they could take care of "for the low, low price of about $200 each problem". Since I don't shit Benjamins, I'm holding off on those.

Last night was the Eddie Izzard concert - a big frivolous expense that we both needed. We ordered tix right after RedFaery was laid off, when we knew we'd still have money - glad we did, because if we waited we would have decided against going.

RedFaery introduced me to Eddie a couple of years back, and is always mystified that I fall asleep during his DVDs. It's not Eddie, it's the British accent. The only time it's not acted like Sominex to my system is Doctor Who, Torchwood, and Coupling.

However, I stayed awake just fine during the concert. One thing RedFaery made a great observation about Eddie's style of humor - to "get" him, you have to know history and religion very well. I liked that when Eddie was struggling to remember the next sequence he'd planned on talking about that he'd do a little dance and play with the audience a bit. Considering he was on stage for nearly two hours and managed to keep us all enthralled the entire time, that's friggin' impressive!

Finally, at about 5:40am this morning, we were both awakened by the earthquake that hit southern Illinois. The loud bang knocked me out of deep sleep, and the vibrations I could feel for about 2 minutes after the fact. A CD fell off a shelf, but otherwise no other damage. I turned to RedFaery and said, "I think that was an earthquake!". Her response, "I thought you had a seizure!" That makes me giggle...

My parents had very minor damage, and an antique wooden Santa in the Santa Claus museum broke an arm. My sister (frequent anonymous poster to this blog) lost a glass stovetop when cutlary fell onto it from the top of the refrigerator, so they faired the worst of us.

This is the first earthquake I actually remember - appearently I've been thru several and remained oblivious. I enjoy new experiences, but don't feel the need to experience that again.

The Incredible Shrinking Ray - Week 14

2008-04-14T14:17:00.002-04:00

It was the best of times; it was the worst of times.

If you read an earlier blog entry, you read that I dropped to an all-time low of 214 lbs. (well, not ALL time - I was lighter when I was 18). I actually bottomed out at 213 lbs on Sunday morning. If the story stopped there, I'd be a happy guy.

Appearantly I enjoyed Sunday a little too well. Japanese hibatchi (spicy scallops) and half a roll of sushi, then Chinese bourbon chicken was all I had to eat, I swear! Maybe it's because I only ate two meals instead of 3-4 little ones. Maybe it was the oils in the food. And maybe it's because I was a bit constipated this morning when I weighed - I don't know.

But this morning, I'd jumped back up to 220 lbs. WTF?

Anyway, I was hoping to blog a bunch of happy news to continue the trend. I even considered going with the Sunday morning results in this blog - but then I'd be lying to myself. So we're calling this one at 220 lbs.

Karma better swing back my way this week, damnit!

Summary:
Starting Weight: 237 lbs.
Weeks 1-13 Loss: 20 lbs.
Week 14 GAIN: 4 lbs.
Current Weight: 220 lbs.

Mean Mr. Mustard

2008-04-11T19:38:00.002-04:00

I experienced another first today. This evening was my first-time ever being one of those assholes on a Bluetooth at a restaurant. Yay me!

About three weeks ago, I was glancing at woot.com, and they had their "Two-for-Tuesday" deal where you could get two sets of Bluetooth wireless headsets for the price of one, about $25 with shipping. I had the dough and made the buy. Like everything from there, it took about 10 days to get here (they use the cheapest, but hey, at those prices...). Due to RedFaery's bad hearing, it turns out that a Bluetooth isn't for her. But I've been loving mine!

I cut out for dinner and decided to give RedFaery a call to see how she's doing (sinus infection for her, BTW). As I pulled up to Fazoli's, I considered staying in the car. But I said to myself, "No way. I'm hungry, and it won't bother the people around me too much. I know it's rude, but I'll hardly be the first one to ever do it. Besides, it's just Fazoli's."

Appearently the wind kicks up a lot of noise in the mouthpiece, because RedFaery noticed it right away.

I got in a small line of about five people. As I spoke, one by one they all turned to see why I was talking to them, only to see this cockroach-looking thing on my head with the blue blinky light. Like the asshole that I was trying to be, I never acknowledged their presence, wrapped up in my own little world.

Sadly, none of them seemed even mildly annoyed. Even when I placed my order and kept talking to the air, the guy behind the cash register never even noticed. Asshole objective: epic fail!

However, there was one bit of amusement while I ate meal meal in silence (the call had ended). A white guy that looked like he was 50 was sporting short dreadlocks. He was talking with the breadstick guy, who is normally the most annoying person there because he won't let you eat in peace. However, even Breadstick Guy looked like a coyote chewing off his own leg to get away from Old Dreadlocks Guy. ODLG was regaling him with his adventures from hanging out at the gas station next door, trying to get some breadsticks to go.

"What a doofus!" I thought. "Who in their right mind would want to be like THAT guy?"

Then ODLG turned his head as he got up to leave. In his ear - you guessed it - a Bluetooth headset.

I slowly pulled mine out of my ear and put it in my pocket. Next time I'll sit in the car...

I'm a Loser

2008-04-11T11:38:00.002-04:00

Not exactly an "Incredible Shrinking Ray" post, since it's not quite to the end of the week, but I hit a milestone this morning that I wanted to share before anything bad happens, like eating a whole buffet accidently...

Long, long ago, in a city far, far away (Terre Haute, Indiana to be precise), I moved in with my grandparents to go to school at Indiana State University. I relished the opportunity to strike out in unfamiliar land, free of the shackles of my youth.

However, I forgot what a shy wallflower I am in reality, and made few friends in the year and a half I was there. I was bored, lonely and depressed, so I spent all my time at school or sleeping. My grandparents, God bless them, meant well, but their idea of a good time was too eat. A lot. It was worse when my grandmother cooked, as I'm pretty sure everything was cooked in lard. And they always encouraged seconds, or thirds, or eighths.

When I moved there in the summer of '89, I weighed 175 lbs. When I moved out in the winter of '90-'91, I weighed 215 lbs.

This morning, I weighed 214 lbs.

I've finally started dipping into the pounds I put on in college. I now weigh what I did when I was 20 years old. I have taken off the weight accumulated from 17 years of bad living in four months time.

Yes, I've still got a long road ahead of me. But for today, I feel as good as when I moved out of Terre Haute. And if you've ever been to Terre Haute, you'll know I mean more than just being lighter!

The Incredible Shrinking Ray - Week 13

2008-04-07T09:47:00.003-04:00

Well, it had to happen sometime. I gained a pound this week.

As of Friday, I hadn't had any change. Then I worked a long Friday, came home and ate 5 pieces of leftover pizza right before bed. Couple that with eating too much when going out to restaurants with RedFaery's mom and grandmother who were down visiting, and all my poor eating choices came back to haunt me. I fell off the chuck wagon.

Another choice this week that I don't think was a smart one - my breakfast. I've gotten pretty sick of grits and oatmeal, so I tried to find something else. I finally settled on little microwavable chocolate chip pancakes. The serving size was 11 (how odd), and I'd make 6-8 of them, smear peanut butter on them and make little pancake sandwiches. In retrospect, while I tried to justify my choice by eating smaller than the serving size, flat-out carbs like that probably wasn't the best idea.

One really good thing is that the weather is starting to be nice again, so we'll probably take some walks in Iroquois Park. I'm starting to steel myself to the fact that if I want to get past this point, I'll probably have to add more exercise to my plan - portion control is no longer going to be enough.

Summary:
Starting Weight: 237 lbs.
Weeks 1-12 Loss: 21 lbs.
Week 13 GAIN: 1 lb.
Current Weight: 216 lbs.

A Hard Day's Night

2008-04-04T20:41:00.002-04:00

Ahhh, the publishing business...

One of our cities has a new manager, and the poor lady didn't know to refresh her screen often. As a result, an important ad got left out of the publication. She calls me scared to death, afraid of losing a client that they've been chasing for months.

I put on my best "let me see what I can do" voice, and have one of my asst. managers call the printer while I hunt up the missing ad and place it in the book. He can't get them on the phone to see if it's already gone to plate, so I make an executive call and upload the sucker anyway in hopes that it's not too late. When I follow up myself with a phone call, I happen to catch the pre-press guy (guess he was on lunch break earlier) and ask if it's all good. He confirms it's there, not too late, and that we're good to go.

I call the worried sales manager and relay to good news. She's beside herself with joy and promises to never do it again, to which give her my best "it's all part of the job, ma'am".

Half an hour later, I get a call from her regional VP, saying, "I know everyone's been told already, but I just wanted to hear it straight from your mouth." I assure him that we're golden, and this seasoned publishing vet in turn assures me that in his many years in the business, ours is the best graphic design team he's ever had the pleasure of working with.

I work 12 hour days on Fridays, and some of those hours entail me waiting around just in case something like this happens. Most of time it's tedious, but on days like this, it's so worth it.

The Incredible Shrinking Ray - Week 12

2008-04-01T08:49:00.002-04:00

Yesterday we had a (hopeful) breakthru in RedFaery's health. She got in to an endocrinologist to talk about regulating her Grave's disease and thyroid levels. Unlike what she's been told by our family doctor, her thyroid levels have been high for some time now (at least since November when they were last checked, but probably longer). This is probably what's been causing her rapid weight loss lately (3 lbs. this week, and 5 lbs. the week before), along with other things like being jittery, pacing, body aches, etc. Her dose has been adjusted to see if it's the medicine, and her blood's going to be closely analyzed to see what else can be done. Maybe for the first time in nearly seven years she can feel "right".

I slacked off a little this week in having something for lunch. I just didn't really think about it. Plus relaxing in French Lick, I thought I would cram it in a little more. I was only partially right - I ate a lot of pizza Saturday night, but took it easy at the buffet Sunday afternoon. It was actually my first buffet since starting my plan, and I ate two plates of food (with half of the second plate being a salad), and for dessert I had two mini waffles with whipped cream and chocolate chips. Considering what I used to cram in, this was a success!

As I reported last time, my weight is all over the place throughout the day. Yesterday morning I weighed 216 lbs again, but an hour later (and after time in the restroom) I managed to shave off another pound. I need to get serious on this again, otherwise I'm going to plateau.

Summary:
Starting Weight: 237 lbs.
Weeks 1-11 Loss: 21 lbs.
Week 12 Loss: 1 lb.
Current Weight: 215 lbs.

And Your Bird Can Sing

2008-03-26T00:02:00.000-04:00

Going to try and post a favorite video...

The Incredible Shrinking Ray - Week 11

2008-03-24T08:32:00.002-04:00

Without access currently to a gym, RedFaery got herself an exercise ball. She did some of the workouts on the included DVD and was sore for a few days. It was worth it, because she dropped another 5 lbs. I may have to check this thing out.

She also picked up a simple scale at Lowe's. Sadly I've taken to weighing myself twice a day. I've noticed an interesting pattern as a result - I weigh less when I first get up in the morning. I've been told that a good night's sleep will burn calories too, so it must be true. This morning was the same as the last - 216 lbs. At the end of the day it goes up to 219 lbs. For the sake of keeping track (and because it looks better), I'll use the morning numbers!

Summary:
Starting Weight: 237 lbs.
Weeks 1-10 Loss: 19 lbs.
Week 11 Loss: 2 lbs.
Current Weight: 216 lbs.

Sun King (Queen?)

2008-03-21T15:20:00.003-04:00

RedFaery learned to relight a pilot light today. Probably motivated by the ice cold showers we've dealt with for 2 days now. Proud of her!

Plumbers fixed the sump. The water it spits out kept coming back in because the ground slopes towards our house, and our basement windows aren't sealed worth a shit. In the meantime, RedFaery's gotten a long tube that routes the water further away, and it's helped. More spring home improvement projects. The sump drained the remaining inch of standing water in 10 minutes, so I'm happy about that. We'll probably finish our laundry tomorrow at the same time.

Tomorrow is dragging crap out, sorting out what we should keep, and making a pile by the back gate. Fortunately the quarterly large item pickup is in a couple of weeks, so the mess won't be in our backyard for long. Still not great weather to do much else except buy some more plastic bins.

Words of Love

2008-03-21T11:31:00.003-04:00

A long while back, I wrote a ton of Star Wars haikus. Just stumbled across them again, and thought I'd share:

Darth Vader's evil!
He has a big lightsaber.
Luke, who's your daddy?

Droid names are strange
C-3PO and R2
Robby the Robot???

Lando's in the clouds
Floating high above Bespin
It's a long way down!

Unlearn what you've learned.
Do or do not - there's no try.
Be one with the Force!

Did you know Chewy,
Han Solo's pal is married?
Love "Wookie Nookie"!

Millienium Falcon
It's the fastest hunk of junk
What's "the Kessel run"?

IG-88 died
Trying to steal Han Solo
Pissed Boba Fett off!

Boba Fett's a clone,
But in the books, he's Jaster!
Continuity?

The names of planets
Sound like a pharmacist's dream!
Bespin overdose!

Yalisimari
Is how many syllibles?
I sure hope it's five!

Dagobah system...
You must go to Dagobah...
Who needs some bacta?

Who wants a taun-taun?
They smell bad on the outside.
And the inside too!

Noisy TIE fighters!
But sound can't travel in space!
Ion engines suck!

Darth Vader says to Boba:
"No disintegrations, Fett"
"As you wish" he says.

"We don't serve their kind!"
"Droids will have to wait outside!"
Why, no oil on tap?

Luke falls in the pit.
Kills the rancor with the door.
Made Jabba's guard cry.

Dagobah is swamp
Tattooine is a desert
Luke get culture shock!

Owen moisture-farms
Necessary in deserts
Watch out for Tuskens!

Jawas are crafty;
Steal, rebuild and resell droids.
Don't take the red one!

Jabba is slimy.
Salacius Crumb cleans it up.
A booger buffet!

Bossk is a lizard.
Trandoshens hate the Wookiees.
They collect their pelts.

Corellian sector
Home of Han Solo and Wedge
And Smuggler's Alley

The Wampa attacks!
Created to explain the
Scar on Hamil's face.

Who is the true star
Of the brand-new trilogy?
I say "CGI"!

Yoda dirty-talk!
Who's your Jedi Master, bitch?
Fallen in, I have!

Death Star approaching...
"Look at the size of that thing!"
Cut the chatter, Wedge!

In the trench with Darth:
"The Force is strong with this one!"
"I have you now...what???"

Chewbacca is dead!
They killed him in the novels.
He died a hero...

"Oh, thank the Maker!"
And little did we know that
It was Anakin!

"Remember, the Force
Will be with you always, Luke!"
Alec Guiness rules!

Into the trash bin
"What an interesting smell!
Great idea, Princess!!"

Luke flies to Bespin
Ben says "That boy's our last hope!"
"There is another..."

"When a thousand years
You have lived, look good you won't!"
Use moisturizer!

Which toy was cooler?
The Millenium Falcon,
or AT-AT Walker?

"There are too many!"
Y-Wing Fighters are boring!
But the blow up nice!

Why does the Death Star
Have to go around the moon?
Why not blow it up?

Quarterstaff saber,
Too much for old Qui-Gon Jin!
Darth Maul kills Jedi.

Jengo Fett is dead!
Can't stop saber blade with neck.
Boba gets "ahead"...

Yoda finally fights!
Count Doku throws down with him.
"Hold still, you Muppet!"

Box DVD set,
The classics have been "remade"!
"THAT is why you fail!"

Han's a little mad.
"Shut him up or shut him down!"
Threepio falls silent...

Chewbacca is pissed!
Though he's choking, Lando says,
"It wasn't my fault!"

Creature Cantina,
Popular Mos Eisley bar.
Watch out for Greedo!

There's a Place

2008-03-21T00:06:00.002-04:00

It's hard to believe, but I've never been in or had need of a laundromat before. Everywhere I'd ever lived has had it's own washer and dryer. I never really took those luxuries for granted, I thought - I've always known that I was lucky. But with the basement still flooded until (hopefully) tomorrow when the plumber comes and replaces our sump, and me woefully short on underwear and socks, RedFaery and I packed up a laundry basket of the essentials and drove three blocks down to the nearest one.

We decided to load two machines, which ate about $2.50 in quarters right away - silly me, I thought that would be enough for drying them as well! So we changed out a $10 for a couple of $5's and got more.

One of my first graphic design jobs was making manuals for Cissell dryers, and since I was laid off from that company twice (and it shortly thereafter was bought out), I was happy to use their competition, Speed Queen! Very satisfying.

30 minutes later, we packed the clothes into the dryer, set it for 40 minutes ($1.25) and enjoyed a basketball game (Duke narrowly pulling out a win in the 1st round). Nothing there was difficult - it was just really boring with nothing to do.

One lady was there the whole time we were, just randomly walking around and emptying dryers in different spots. There was no scheme to which dryers she was using, so I don't believe she was getting her own stuff. Another couple drug in a ton of clothing and blankets wrapped up in a Tweety Bird sleeping bag - someone else with flooding issues, we mused.

Probably the most annoying thing was that the bathroom was locked, so I had to ask the attendant to open it for me. Like a gas station. I understand they don't want random people coming off the streets to use the facilities, but it felt like I was asking for a hall pass or something.

All in all, not a bad experience. Learned a little more about our surroundings, and that's always a good plan.

Rain

2008-03-20T10:54:00.002-04:00

It had to happen sometime. Our sump pump has gone out, and we now have about 4 inches of water in the basement. Not surprising, since it's been going for what seems like non-stop since November!

We have a call into the home warranty folks, who in turn called a plumber. Despite the promise of a return call and appointment within 24 hours, we heard nothing. So we called again and have a promise of tomorrow morning. I'm sure we aren't the only ones in town with this problem, but damn!

We'd already started the migration of our things from cardboard boxes to plastic bins, but didn't get too far yet. Most of the boxes are at least off the ground and not marinating - however I'm certain we'll need a new Christmas tree. Plus the moisture in the air will make the rest a nice moldy mess. Reminder to buy gloves along with more plastic bins...

Our washer and dryer are down there, so we're going to a laundromat tonight with the essentials. RedFaery had the good sense to unplug them.

Our water heater has been overtaken as well, so no hot water for showers. I could scrub all the smelly bits today at the sink, but tomorrow I'll need to brave the chill and scrub all over. Brrr!

Other than that, it's just peachy!

Fixing a Hole

2008-03-18T13:57:00.003-04:00

The only time a tire goes flat is when it's pouring down rain. It's a proven fact.

Take this morning for example. RedFaery got a brand-new set of front tires for her car yesterday. She drove her car to many different places, and somewhere along the way the tire got cut. However, it didn't go flat until today, when it's raining so much our basement drain is backing up.

She was on her way to the unemployment office and I was on my way to work when she called. The tire was dropping quickly. She was pointed towards the Pepboys she got the tire from and only 3 miles away, so I told her to try an make it. A couple minutes later, she calls back - no can do, and she's pulled over in the parking lot of an abandoned Dillards.

Putting on my best superhero voice, I say "I'm on my way!"

Halfway there, she calls back saying that since we have towing on our insurance, she can call them to come tow her to the shop. Seeing miles of paperwork and headaches dancing in my mind, I assure her that I'll get the tire changed so she can continue her day.

As expected, her little Aveo has a "toy" tire and one of those little hand-crank jacks. I've used both of them many times before, so I know what I'm in for with these things. However, what I didn't expect is that the jack point of her Aveo is so far in that you cannot turn the crank on the jack! Not that I didn't try, however - I finally admitted defeat after 20 minutes.

On to Plan B - I tell RedFaery to go ahead and call for roadside assistance. So much for my pride - I sit in my car and brood.

She tells me that after calling two different places, one could finally make it out to us after a 3-hour wait. Seems my theory about tires going in the rain is still being proven all over Louisville...

Three hours? Leaving my wife stranded in the rain on wide, wide Dixie Highway in an abandoned parking lot to wait for those slugs to drive up our insurance rates? Fuck that!

Plan C...

We head in my car to Autozone. Did you know you can get a decent pump jack for $22? Well worth the investment, especially if you have one of those little hand-crank jacks that aren't worth shit (and oddly enough, cost more than the pump jack at Autozone - WTF?). Go get one now. Seriously.

So back into the rain I go with my new toy in hand. Fifteen minutes later I have the tire off, and a few more after that I put the donut on in it's place, and she's ready to roll!

I sit at Pepboys dripping and waiting for the verdict on her tire, hoping to know something before I head home to change. I decide I can't wait anymore and tell RedFaery to call me when she knows something. I'm only 5 minutes gone when they tell her they can take care of her pretty quickly. By the time I've showered and changed into dry clothing, she's home and making me a sandwich for lunch.

I'm still floored that the reason I had her get new tires in the first place is so she wouldn't be stranded on a rainy day like today, yet it happened anyway. The best laid plans of mice and me...

Free As a Bird

2008-03-17T11:14:00.002-04:00

Yesterday as the last performance of "Blue Plate Special". Whenever I finish a show, lots of emotions flow thru me - but the biggest one today is relief. Two reasons.

The first is just simply accomplishing a personal goal. I've stated many times on my blog about how this was my first "professional" acting gig (aside from working a haunted house a few years back), and all my concerns with whether I can hold my own with seasoned pros. I can, I did, and I'm very satisfied with my work. Everyone involved with the show has my contact info and knows what I can do on stage - so if they need a hole filled they know how to get in touch with me. Plus I built up enough confidence in my skills with the producers that they are turning me lose on planning and running the Alley Theater Improv Showcase (more in future blogs I'm sure).

The second is shaving. I basically didn't shave for two months to grow a beard and a head of hair so I could convincingly look like a redneck that's likely to dig up his own backyard to build a bomb shelter. The effect was quite scary-looking - at least I was startled everytime I looked in a mirror.

The most surprising thing was that I still don't have any gray hairs - I'm still a dark, deep brown. Considering my grandfather had white hair and my dad is very gray, I figured I'd have a few by now. Not a one.

When the show was done, I came home and grabbed the clippers and went to work. It was like shearing a goat. Hair flew everywhere! Scared a cat when some dropped on him too - that will teach him to wander around my feet!

After buzzing it down, I took the razor to it. A few bleeders and a shower later, I was done. I looked in the mirror and had forgotten what I looked like hair-free - it's a bit startling! I climbed into bed and enjoyed the coolness of the pillow on my head - I definitely wasn't going to miss being too overheated to sleep!

Another thing I won't miss is the itching. Stratching my face had become a borderline obsession! The one frightening part of auditioning for Tevye in a couple of months will be facing growing yet another beard for the role. Ah, the sacrifices I make for my craft...

The Incredible Shrinking Ray - Week 10

2008-03-17T11:03:00.003-04:00

Update on last post - RedFaery did indeed lose her job. Interestingly enough, she said the one thing she's going to miss the most was access to their on-site fitness center. I don't blame her there - nice up-to-date equipment, free flavored water, showers, etc. We've already decided to find a nearby gym - just not looking forward to membership rates.

Went to the doctor this morning because of needed new prescriptions. This was the first time I'd been on a scale in just over 2 weeks. It's hard to compare with the scale at the gym because I was fully clothed, and just the fact it's a different scale means there's going to be a bit of difference.

Anyway, I weighed in at 221 lbs - and if you take off 3 lbs for clothes and shoes, that means I'm down to about 218 lbs! Boo-ya!

Even the doctor was pleasantly surprised. He remarked that he tells people all the time to lose weight to no effect. We talked about me losing it simply due to portion control, and I told him that I'll probably add more exercise if I plateau, and he seemed to think that was a good plan. So now I can say that what I'm doing is doctor-approved!

Summary:
Starting Weight: 237 lbs.
Weeks 1-9 Loss: 18 lbs.
Week 10 Loss: 1 lbs
Current Weight: 218 lbs.

Crying, Waiting, Hoping

2008-03-13T16:47:00.002-04:00

I don't know what to say.

RedFaery is meeting with her temp agency rep after work tomorrow at his request. She fears the worst - that the place she is contracted to work is going to end the contract. Which means unemployment.

And I have no encouraging words for her, because I think she's right.

Drawing upon my own experiences, her past employment experiences, and heck, even my dad's recent job changes, the signs are all there.

1. New company president, needing to make a quick profit to please shareholders.
2. She's personally witnessed many terminations of "unneeded personal" because of her position in managing e-mail accounts.
3. A co-worker, who had been "contract labor" also for about 18 months longer than promised finally got officially hired - which I'm sure put a crimp on the department's budget.
4. Contract labor is always the first to go in a recession, which we are heading back into, and/or a "contraction" which the company is obviously experiencing.
5. Her supervisor at work asked her, and only her, to go to lunch tomorrow (a Friday - the day most people statistically are "let go"). Think of Jerry Maguire.
6. Her temp agency rep doesn't do the "let's get together" thing unless he's got something important to discuss. Plus he made himself unavailable for questions until the time of the meeting.

The ONLY thing I can think to mention is that I truly believe that her fear of being fired for being sick too often is not the reason. It could be a factor in deciding between her and another contractor that just started there at most. But I think even he will be let go for the first four reasons I listed above.

RedFaery's been let down by company after company all her life - she busts her hump to prove herself with no good results in the end.

Keep her in your thoughts, and pray that we are both wrong.

Tomorrow Never Knows

2008-03-12T14:32:00.002-04:00

I mentioned a few days ago that Tevye is the #1 role I want to play on my list of "Role I Must Do Before I Die". About a year ago, I posted my official list online, and went back today and found it. So I'm posting it here in case anyone wanted to know (and so I can find it easier - it was the only copy):

In order of desire to play (boldface roles accomplished):

1. Tevye from "Fiddler on the Roof" (possibly this summer!)
2. Nicely-Nicely Johnson from "Guys & Dolls" (I played Harry the Horse in high school)
3. Henry Higgins or Alfred Doolittle in "My Fair Lady" (I played one of Alfred's drinking pals in high school)
4. King Arthur from "Camelot" (I played a random knight at Hayswood about 20 years ago)
5. the Leading Character in "Pippin" (I played Luis at Hayswood about 15 years ago - although I'd settle for King Charlemagne)
6. Jesus in "Godspell" (did that about 4 years ago)
7. Audrey 2 in "Little Shop of Horrors" (although I'd settle for the Dentist)
8. the Cowardly Lion in "Wizard of Oz" (did it last year)
9. the Phantom in "Phantom of the Opera" (pipe dream)
10. any role in "Dracula" (played VanHelsing 2-1/2 years ago)

RedFaery will be happy to note that none of these roles require kissing anyone (a few you could see it happening, but not necessary) - she's still the only one that gets all my lip action!

If I get all ten of these checked off, I'd probably retire from acting. Dead serious.

A Taste of Honey (Mead?)

2008-03-12T14:24:00.002-04:00

The Blue Plate Special Drinking Game!

Everytime Della falls asleep, do a Jagerbomb
Everytime Ricky Jim takes a picture, drink a Slo Gin Fizz
Everytime Ramona says, "Momma", drink a Cosmopolitan
Everytime Connie Sue changes outfits (and wigs), drink a Sex on the Beach
Everytime Ronnie Frank motions to or grabs his crotch, have a Lynchberg Lemonade
Everytime Preacher Larry tries to tell someone who he is, drink a Shirley Temple

By my calculations, that's about 83 drinks in two hours time! Probably the best idea is to bring a few friends and divy up the characters. Assign three people to Ramona unless you want to kill someone...

Run For Your Life

2008-03-11T13:18:00.003-04:00

Today, I figured out where I would hole up should the zombie invasion ever make it's way to Louisville.

Pepboys! Now hear me out...

I took my Taurus there this morning for new brake pads, a couple of new tires and alignment, and various adjustments. Dropped a load of cash, and managed to do some of my work on reports from there as well. I had a lot of time to just wander around to place, and did some thinking.

First of all, the only end that had access was the front - the rest was a thick wall of concrete. Try to get thru that, you undead fucks! And the front could easily be lined with a huge wall of tires - three deep should be enough.

Next of great importance - the place is full of all kind of liquids that are either flammable or corrosive to human flesh. And when you're a zombie, you don't think about OSHA-recommended protective gloves or clothing. Fish in a barrel, baby!

Finally, there are a lot of dangerous-looking things there that people attach to their cars and trucks that would make excellent melee weapons. You may not be able to tell at a glance, but you can cleave a skull with a well-aimed #24 Rainex windshield wiper blade!

And as an added bonus, they keep beef jerky, Pringles and hard candy up by the front counter. Those shambling corpses won't be able to wait me out - no sir!

The place is big enough for a few of you to come along; so if you're reading this, you'll know where to find me now in case this apocalyptic event should occur. Make sure to say something like "Hey Ray, let me in!" instead of "BRAINS!!!" so I'll know you're still among the living.

Act Naturally

2008-03-10T15:58:00.002-04:00

About once a week, I check the Hayswood Theatre website to see if they've posted any info about upcoming shows. Now that I live in Louisville, I've pretty much told myself that very few shows will ever entice me to drive all the way back to Corydon several nights a week. It would have to pretty much be the number one show, and the number one role, on my list of "Plays I Must Do Before I Die".

And there it was, to be performed this summer - "Fiddler on the Roof".

I first saw Fiddler before I was even a teenager, on stage at some dinner theatre as part of a school trip. I don't remember how old I was, but I hadn't done much acting yet, so it had to be grade school. All I remember thinking, after seeing such a superb performance, was "someday I need to be Tevye". It's the role that I got into acting for in the first place. At the risk of mixing religions, it's my Holy Grail of roles.

Besides the long drives to and from rehearsals, there are many other obstacles I have to overcome. The obvious one is landing the role in the first place. I WILL play Tevye someday, I've no doubt - this just may not be the time. That will be hard to accept if that's the case, but I'll deal. I've still got a lot of years left in me, and I pretty much JUST became old enough (and good enough) to pull it off, so I can be patient if the need calls for it. I'd just prefer not to!

Another obstacle is that I've just agreed to create and host the Alley Theater Improv Challenge, the planned money-maker for the new theater. However, most of the time that will be put into getting it going will be in these next two months before auditions for Fiddler take place. Then after that, the show runs itself - I just need to spend an hour or so prepping and Thursday nights hosting. As long as rehearsals can work around that, I'm good.

The final obstacle is yet more time lost with RedFaery. She's been very patient with the long rehearsals and weekend-munching performances for "Blue Plate Special" and was comforted in the thought of me taking a theatre break for a while. For this I have no good answer, other than that I just need to make the most of the time we do have together. She knows my passion for this show - I can only hope that she can share that passion with me.

Glass Onion

2008-03-10T02:04:00.003-04:00

The other day I saw that Blogger said that in the Chinese zodiac, I'm a Dog - I was born in 1971, but before the Chinese New Year, so by their calendar I was born in 1970. Since I had Chinese food today (and saw the zodiac on the placemat, thus putting it at the forefront of my mind), I decided to get more info on my canine traits.

Some of the traits listed I agree with (good and bad): honest, faithful and sincere; respect tradition and value honor, and enjoy helping people; not good at socializing with friends, and rarely shines in company, but he is intelligent, caring and a good listener; born old and get younger as they age; makes a splendid captain of industry, a priest, an educator, a critic, or a doctor (I've been all these except a doctor); usually very generous and loyal, and in love, he is honest and straightforward; a worrier;an introvert who rarely shows his feelings; when he does it's only because he thinks it is absolutely necessary. In love, the most salient characteristic of Dogs is their loyalty.

Some traits listed I disagree with (bad and good): very righteous, and always is the first to speak out against injustice; when panic strikes, he can turn nasty, and bark till he is tired; takes everything very serious; will have romantic problems all his life - it's his own fault, really: he leads himself by his emotional in stability and his eternal anxiety (this was once true, but not now); tend to be both magnanimous and prosperous, yet they can also be dogged, guarded, and defensive; never really relaxes; frequently cynical, feared for his sharp tongue and his acid and disagreeable remarks; gives the impression of looking systematically for faults in everything he touches - this is because he is the world's biggest pessimist and expects nothing out of life.

Famous dogs include Winston Churchill, Al Jolson, George Gershwin, Michael Jackson, and Madonna.

Arf.